Scarlett Johansson Is A Cinema-Date Whore

Scarlett Johansson is so sought-after that a man from the UK has actually paid $40,100 (about £20,000) to be able to accompany her to the premier of her upcoming movie, He’s Just Not That Into You.

He doesn’t even appear to have been guaranteed sex on any level - not even a tonguing - and yet has paid for the equivalent of 8,000 anal sexes with Manfa, who has been hanging round the corners of hecklerstreet for four years now.

When asked what kind of an evening she’d give a man who had paid £40,100, Manfa said she’d “willingly go blind in both eyes,” and if he still wanted to go see the movie, that “with a film title like that, blindness may be a blessing,” before adding “maybe I’d go deaf for it too.” But that’s Manfa, and she really is a dirty whore. Five dollars for sex? That’s two pound fifty; cheaper than a Zinger Tower.

Scarlett Johansson is a different kettle of fish. Manfa can’t even afford a kettle, and certainly shouldn’t be trusted with the responsibility of caring for fish, especially in a kettle. She’d be so off her face on crack that she’d forget that this kettle was being used as a makeshift fish sanctuary and flip it on in preparation of sterilising a few needles and as she curls up on the floor in an all-too-short-lived foetus of ecstasy there’s gonna be fish carnage on her hands. 

But not Scarlett Johansson; one trip to the cinema with her is worth a lifetime of bumming Manfa, according to eBay username bossnour. Some other people wouldn’t be so quick to judge – Manfa does have a few perks, especially for the more aggressive fellow - and it’s probable that bossnour was not even made aware of Manfa’s services. Marie Claire reports:

The UK-based user, named bossnour, won the online auction, set up to benefit Oxfam, after beating off 695,183 interested parties and 170 other bids. The 10-day sale ended yesterday, and the fortunate fan will accompany Johansson to the premiere of her upcoming movie, He's Just Not That Into You in Los Angeles in June. 

Be that as it may, a trip to the cinema is a metaphorical mile away from Scarlett Johansson’s bumhole – just imagine what she could charge? The money, which has been donated to Oxfam, would be astronomical. Geldolf can put as many popstars on the global stage as he wants, but if Scarlett was to donate her ass to Oxfam, after about five years of honest donation, poverty would be history.

Read more:

Scarlett Johansson's $40,100 date - Marie Claire