Upon hearing news that she is due to replace Halloween, Sharon Osborne has decided not have any more cosmetic surgery.
Scary devil mum Sharon Osborne has had more surgery than hot dinners (definitely true if those alleged anorexia rumours are to be believed), but she has finally decided that enough is enough. Her old lady boobs can only get so big and that face of hers can only get so shiny, at some point common sense must prevail; at some point she needs to realise she has become the elusive Blair Witch. And that time is now.
Sharon told the world’s amassed media:
“I was following a dream. I've had enough. Surgery is agony – you don't just wake up with huge breasts.”
Not strictly true, love. Look at Wayne Rooney.
She continued:
“The op to remove my band really did me in. I'm too old for all that.”
The old gastric band, there. Great for anyone too fat and lazy to lose weight the old fashioned way, by not eating that extra tub of lard or perhaps taking a walk to their own letterbox once in a while.
That Sharon has had cancer has nothing to do with her body undergoing more surgery than Wolverine (brow-lift, face-lift, tummy, legs, arms – they have all been on the menu at some point). She just likes to look in the mirror and see her own top-heavy waxwork model staring back at her. Shame they still can’t do much for the antique hands though, always a dead giveaway for any woman on the eve of her 125th birthday.
Bitchy comments apart, cosmetic surgery does sound pretty painful. Of course there is another way to get a nose job: march into The White Horse in High Wycombe and ask for a Campari and lemon. Crude but effective. And as for this gastric band again, what the heck is the point in having an eating disorder these days if you don’t even lose any weight?
Celebrities, they have to make everything so bloody difficult, don’t they?
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Alastair Watts says
Campari and Lemon at the White Horse? Not a problem, nor Champagne and so on. Maybe it’s time you came back, because we now have striptease dancers six days a week, and they’re stunners – and if they needed a nose job they certainly don’t now! Before making silly comments about a well run pub you might do better to check your facts first!