You know Ryan Phillippe? Actually, no, how silly of us. Of course you don’t know who Ryan Phillippe is.
It’s not like he’s famous or anything, is it? But anyway, Ryan Phillippe – who was in a film once or something – used to be married to Reese Witherspoon. But they split up, because either a) Reese Witherspoon realised that Ryan Phillippe had been cheating on her with Abbie Cornish, or b) she just forgot who he was on the basis that he isn’t famous.
Well, now it’s emerged that Abbie Cornish has now split up with Ryan Phillippe, because either a) Ryan Phillippe has an untameable wandering eye or b) she just forgot who he was on the basis that he isn’t famous. Pretty sure it’s the second one, actually.
If the recent Tim Robbins/ Susan Sarandon split story didn’t really do it for you on the basis that you know who both of them actually are, then this is the story for you! It’s got everything that the Sarandon story had – like heartbreak and human emotion and stuff – but with the added bonus of being about two people so catastrophically unfamous that they’re often both mistaken for shop mannequins or inflatable dolls or nondescript misshapen lumps of shop-soiled fibreglass.
That’s right – Abbie Cornish and Ryan Phillippe have split up. You may remember Ryan Phillippe as the man who was in Cruel Intentions about a decade ago, and you may remember Abbie Cornish from Russell Crowe‘s worst ever film. But let’s be realistic. You probably don’t. You’re more likely to know that Abbie Cornish is the girl who Ryan Phillippe shacked up with after Reese Witherspoon divorced him for cheating on her with Abbie Cornish, but even that’s unlikely. Your brain only has a finite capacity. You don’t want to fill it up with unimportant crap like that.
Anyway, Abbie Cornish has apparently split up with Ryan Phillippe because he still likes the ladies a little bit too much. The New York Daily News reports:
On Valentine’s Day, he was spotted chatting with a few femmes at a private Guns N’ Roses bash. And Phillippe attempted to approach supermodel Doutzen Kroes on Thursday… A source close to the actress says, not so cryptically: “Abbie took control of a bad situation and ended it once the truth became clear. She told him it was over as soon as she realized Ryan wasn’t taking it as seriously as she was.”
At least that’s the story they’re going with. Remember that Ryan Phillippe’s marriage to Reese Witherspoon suffered due to the fact that she was so much more famous and successful than him. Maybe Ryan’s relationship with Abbie suffered because she’s much more famous and successful than him. Yes, we know that Abbie Cornish isn’t remotely famous or successful, but she still outclasses Ryan by some distance.
But not all of Ryan Phillippe’s relationships need to end this way. For instance, if Ryan happens to be on the rebound, we’ve got a picture of a lady that we just drew on a balloon with a felt tip pen that would be just perfect for him. They’re not quite as famous as each other, obviously, but the balloon lady would be prepared to put her career to one side if it made Ryan happy. It’s the best offer he’ll get.
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