Ryan Reynolds – man that is made entirely of gym instructions – and Charlize Theron – a woman designed to occupy thongs – have apparently been dating for months, and were both so simple minded (much like cows in a field) that they forgot to tell anyone… including themselves.
A source close to the pair has revealed to at least four people who were half-listening, that the pair are officially ‘in a relationship’, telling reporters: “They’re exclusive, and it’s very hush-hush.”
Presumably, even Charlize Theron doesn’t want to admit that she’s going steady with the man responsible for the dreadful, dreadful Green Lantern film.
Thus far, the couple have managed to dodge photographers, but this could once again be down to immense stupidity. Rumour has it that the pair stood before a window of Curry’s, waving at all the cameras and presuming that they were getting vital publicity for their dismal projects.
However, things soon came to a stop as they were both distracted by a balloon and ran-after it, trying to grab the sky with their stupid, stupid hands.
The source adds:
“They’re both career-focused, but not in a crazy way. [Theron] won’t go to an event with him. That’s not her style.”
This is down to Theron’s fear of red carpets, which she still believes are made entirely of rocking horse blood. Meanwhile, Reynolds is still in contact with his ex wife, Scarlett Johansson, because he didn’t understand what she meant when she told him ‘I don’t love you anymore’.
Next week: Reynolds and Theron are told that ice cubes are made from very cold water.