Ryan Phillippe might be a daddy! Hurray! Where do we send a card of congratulations? He must be so thrilled at the prospect of being responsible for yet another human shaped disappointment into the world!
But wait! What’s this? His ex, pregnant model-cum-actress Alexis Knapp, is saying that the thing growing inside her was put there by Phillippe, but he’s not so sure.
In fact, he’s not certain of it at all. And so, he’s going to ‘do’ a DNA test. We assume that this means he’ll have to have sex with a DNA machine and then, when both babies are born, the machine’s will be compared to the one that pops out of Knapp and people in white coats will see if they look kinda similar.
Of course, this doesn’t really work because pretty much all babies look the same. Horrible little bald things with erupting arcs of faeces jetting out of them, coupled with a crying sound that sounds like every nail on Earth being scraped down a giant chalkboard.
This’ll be the first time that Knapp will have squeezed a child out of her soon-to-be devastated ladyhole. As she dated Phillippe for on-and-off last year, she’s convinced it is his.
Some stupid source says:
“She has been telling people he is the father.”
A different source adds:
“Ryan doesn’t know if he is the dad. If he is, he will take full responsibility for the child.”
“He’s a good guy. He loves being a dad and takes being a dad really seriously.”
In an unrelated piece of news, Knapp will be promoting two films. One is called Project X and the other is a Miley Cyrus flick called So Undercover. A third film may come out called ‘Don’t Tell Mom I Used My Pregnancy To Further My Career!’
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!
Cookie Monster says
For a post about Phil Rya-whatshisfaceorwhatever (wasn’t he married to Buffy or Willow, before he came out of the closet, or something… what the hell is he ‘famous’ for?) this is about six paragraphs and two quotes too long, in my humble opinion.
I retract that; this monster has never held a humble opinion, despite Jim Henson’s best marketing.
EAT MORE COOKIES!