It seems that Russell Crowe is soon to be a very busy boy if the rumours that he is set to become a fighter of the undead, a slayer of the night, and general wooden enthusiast are to be believed.
Not happy with ruining circumcision and the noble sport of telephone throwing for everyone (and Naomi Campbell) he is going to ruin all those little girls? dreams of finally marrying Robert Pattinson and his incredibly boring personality and be sired into a vampire Goddess (when in fact, they will get pregnant, have a baby he wouldn't visit, and never quite get the weight off).
He is going to be a vampire slayer. Think Buffy, but with a beard, and less anyone words.
Crowe has apparently agreed to star in yet another adaptation of Bram Stoker?s 1897 ?Dracula? and is set to play, presumably, Jonathan Harker and not his fiancee, the foxy Mina.
Apart from potentially taking part in the Leonard DiCaprio directed film, he also has agreed to star as Javert in the big screen version of ?Les Miserable? that Taylor Swift was too shit to be a part in, and well as the part of Jor-El (Superman?s daddy) in the new Superman film, Man Of Steel.
And that's not all.
Darren Aronofsky wants the bearded brawler to star in Noah, a film about Noah and how he, on the word of God, save a pair of every animals in the World from the oncoming flood. Which sounds a bit heavy. Someone tell Darren that it might work better as a comedy. Maybe call it In At The Deep End and have Eddie Murphy and Rosanne Barr voice feisty koala bears that help Noah in his epic quest. Also, try and explain why Noah decided not to save unicorns and kraken.
Other people considered for the part of Noah were fellow angry man, Christian Bale and Michael Fassbender, who was probably too busy having a big willy to think about it.
Tom Tobin says
Like circumcision needed Russell Crowe to point out that removing a significant percentage of your genitalia is a bad idea.