Christy Brinkley, Sean Connery, Jane Fonda, Robin Williams, and Oprah-bloody-Winfrey drive a Defender. Eclectic? Definitely.
And it’s not really rubbish at all; the Defender is in fact classless, timeless and sexually brutal (We’re back in Oprah Winfrey territory again, aren’t we?).
Though this particular model of Land Rover still looks like a giant piece of Lego with bumpers big enough to catch polar bears in. Don’t be fooled by the £20k price tag either, those gaps in the panels aren’t there to the let air circulate.
The Defender came into fruition as a natural evolution from the ‘series’ models that preceded it. The Series 1 helped our troops clear up after the Second World War, the Series 2 developed into a more user-friendly farmer’s vehicle during the 1960s/70s, while the Series 3 went on to become the most revolutionary Land Rover ever created – it had a heater fitted as standard.
Spot of trivia: Ever out voluntarily collecting rubbish off street corners and want to be able to tell an early Series 2 and 3 apart? The Series 3 has it’s headlamps just above the front bumper (like the Defender) and not on the centre grill. Found that interesting? Congratulations, you’re sitting in a library.
When the Defender arrived, it not only came equipped with creature comforts like wind-up windows and a bigger windscreen – thanks to Rover’s masterful V8 engine, it also went faster than a milk float.
The year is now 1983 and Land Rover knew they were in trouble. A Series 3 was not going to sway any new drivers into the fold. Little ‘quirks’ like turning the steering wheel ten minutes before you needed to take a corner were going to have to go. It was time to start selling to people who didn’t collect military memorabilia. Defender time, in other words.
By 1985 the Defender was available in the three standard wheelbase (length) options still in production today. The 110", the 90" and the commercial 127" (now 130"). And if you’re as bored as we are with chassis measurements let’s move swiftly onto the main event, what makes the Defender rubbish…but ultimately cool?
Angelina Jolie for one thing. Can you see the paradox? She’s uncool, yet she makes the Defender cool. They should put this stuff on the curriculum.
The producers of Jolie’s original Tomb Raider movie approached Land Rover for a Defender. Just something for her to skid about it in, save the globe, do her nails, that kind of thing. Far more than just handing a couple over with a hearty handshake, Land Rover decided to produce a special edition ‘Tomb Raider Defender‘, slapped £23,000 on the bonnet and sold it to anyone who still thought spotlamps made you virile.
Tomb Raider 2: Cradle of Life saw the Defender unfortunately dropped from Jolie’s arsenal and replaced by an all-American Jeep. We’re convinced that’s what made the movie crap. No disputing it, script, direction, Jolie – everything else was spot on.
If Tomb Raider was the Defender’s first bit of high profile movie promotion, it’s only because Land Rover didn’t feel the need to advertise the thing very much.
If you want a Defender you’ll seek it out. Nobody ever impulse-buys one because of its alluring engine grunt or two-inch mudflaps. You find the best and pay up confidently. That’s justifiable arrogance. Mercedes, Porsche, take heed. Johnny Borrell too, while the fingers are typing.
What little advertising Land Rover do undertake for the Defender is often confused beyond all comprehension.
The culturally insulting image of an African lady’s boobs being blown sideways as a Freelander model speeds past, being perhaps being their most balls-up stupid. But they can’t seem to get their movie choices right these days either.
While not appearing anywhere in Batman Begins, the Defender is currently being showcased in a pointless one-sheet depicting its silhouette projected inside the Bat symbol. A flying Defender? Oooh-kay…
Your average Defender driver is, in the main, a hard bastard. They drink antifreeze for breakfast and pour Castrol on their fish n’ chips. However, don’t think this is a vehicle exclusively for guys. If you catch a chick manoeuvring a Defender round your local designer outlet that’s as sexier a sight as you’re going to see all week.
Power steering not only makes driving the current Defender bearable, it also opens up the big truck’s capabilities to those who don’t possess forearms like someone doing twenty years to life.
You sit up high in a Landy, scanning the flock and having your way at any junction. Why’s that you ask, surely there are bigger cars on the road? There are, but BMW X5’s and Volvo XC 90’s scratch like year-eleven girls – not a problem your Defender owner cares less about. Stick a car in front for too long and they’ll simply drive over it.
The Defender is rough, tough, Top Gear‘s Greatest Car of All Time and utterly irreplaceable.
Except that in 2007 it will be – with an all new model based on Land Rover’s own Discovery. We’re getting whiffs of tight London streets and school gates here, but we’ll reserve judgement. For now.
Buy a Defender, we have no hesitation in recommending it to you, and the more you can spend the better your prize will be. Like Jude Law really, the better his half-baked apology to Sienna Miller, the more likely it is he’ll keep warm this winter.
Try this eBay number for size
It starts at £5,000 – reassuring steep – and has a full history, only two owners and 67,000 miles on the clock. If none of that impresses you, how about the owner fitting side steps to aid in the loading and unloading of elderly relatives? Better than a six CD changer any day. And no, you don’t really take these things off road. Get a five grand car muddy? Don’t think so, pal.
The Defender – we lied to you, it’s not rubbish. It’s merely misunderstood by company car drivers. It’s bigger than you, it’s harder than you, just accept it and move on. Or go up and thump one if you like while the owner’s in the pub.
You’ll break a knuckle on its carved granite bodywork, but then we like a good laugh so that’s your problem.
[story by Chris Laverty]
jacks says
It makes a change to read a decent article, about one of the best vehicles in the world.Everyone at one time in their life should experience driving a landrover defender, THE LANDROVER KING OF KINGS,AND LORD OF LORDS,AND HE SHALL REIGN FOR EVER.
P says
Wow, do you write for Top Gear or something? You really seem to know your stuff!
I do love Tomb Raider and I think Angelina Jolie looks well cool in her Landy; not sure I’d look as good if I tried it. A gal can but dream!
lannyman says
an excellent review on a iconic legend good work long live the green oval