Some people find Robin Williams upsetting enough already. One memory-flicker of his gurning ‘comedy doctor’ Patch Adams or that arse-clenching "It’s not your fault" moment from Good Will Hunting is enough to send most people of moderate intelligence scurrying for the nearest cyanide pills.
Williams, however, has caused shockwaves across his usual fanbase – apple-pie munchin’ Middle America – by getting involved in a brand new documentary movie The Aristocrats, co-produced by warped Penn-And-Teller genius Penn Jillette.
The idea behind the movie? Well, therein lies a tale…
Basically, there’s this joke. A joke as old as the act of joke-telling – or at least since the days of Vaudeville, anyway. Us limey Brits may know it as The Debonaires. In America, it’s widely known as The Aristocrats.
Here’s the twist, though – it isn’t technically a joke. Over the years it has evolved into a post-modern riff, a rambling monologue used by competing comedians to see jut how far they can twist it around … and just how far they can shock each other.
Confused? Don’t worry. Let us explain.
The joke always begins with a family act going in to see a talent agent. There are two parents, a son, a daughter and a dog (sometimes replaced by a baby). They announce that they have an amazing new act. The agent requests to see it.
Step two – the act is performed. This is where the filth begins. The description is invariably "crude, tasteless, often ribald, often scatological and as beyond the boundaries of propriety as the comedian can muster. Incest and bestiality are common themes in many versions."
The offensive scenario over, the agent then asks what the joke is called. To which the invariable reply comes: "The Entertainers!"
Still need things spelling out? Not to worry. Here’s a traditional (somewhat tame) version of the joke from the folks at the Wikipedia Online Encyclopedia:
A family walks into a talent agency. It’s a father, mother, teenage daughter and dog. The dog has a little dog tutu on — and a pointy clown hat. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really great act. We’d like you to represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don’t represent family acts. They’re a little too old-fashioned."
The mother says, "If you would please see our act, we know you would like us."
The agent says, "Okay, let me see what you do."
The father hoists his wife and daughter up — one on each shoulder — the daughter farts on the way up. The agent sees that the wife’s panties have a rusty-coloured stain. The dog obediently runs out and sits in front of the human pyramid, in the centre of the line.
The dad says, "On the count of three — one, two… three!"
The daughter and mom begin singing "On the Good Ship Lollipop."
"On the gooood ship lol-EE-pop…"
And as the family sing together, the clown dog does a little dance on its hind legs. The agent sees a little glistening bubblegum-coloured phallus on the dog.
"…it’s a sweeeet trip to the can-DEE shop… … where bob-bons play…"
The dog poops on the floor in front of the agent’s desk.
"… on the sunny beach of peppermint bay…"
The mom & daughter somersault off the dad’s shoulders — he accidentally belches and poops his pants from the heavy lifting.
"Lemonade stands, everywhere crackerjack bands, fill the air and there you are, happy landings on a chocolate bar…"
The daughter slips on the dog poop and lands on her back on the agent’s desk with her dress over the agent’s head. She then farts. The dog takes a pee on the agent’s desk.
The mom & dad continue singing:
"See the sugar bowl do a tootsie roll in a big bad devils food cake, if you eat too much… oh, oh, you’ll awake, with a tummy ache."
The agent decides to perform cunnilingus on the girl since his head is up her dress. He can’t help himself.
" On the good ship lollipop its a nice trip, in to bed you hop, and dream away, on the good ship lollipop."
Seeing the agent do this turns on the mom & dad. Dad continues singing while mom puts his penis into her mouth and bobs up and down on it. The dog is under the agent’s desk — humping his leg.
Eventually the daughter comes on the agent’s face, the dog comes on the agent’s leg and the dad comes in the mother’s mouth. The agent has masturbated to completion.
The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That’s a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
Not exactly gut-busting, we’re sure you’ll agree.
The trick of the movie – see, we got there in the end – is to place this joke into the hands of 100 or so comedians and let them rip. It collates years of footage of the joke being told before live audiences – all the time growing more and more hideously offensive.
And just look at some of the line-up on offer. Hank Azaria. Lewis Black. Billy Connolly. Eddie Izzard. Richard Lewis. Chris Rock. Jon Stewart. Steven Wright. And – of course – Robin Williams.
This whole project sounds like the most puerile, childish and willfully obnoxious cinematic venture in years. Needless to say – hecklerspray can’t wait.
In the meantime, if you’d like to browse a database of different versions of the joke – or offer up one of your own – try clicking here.
Alternatively, you could join hecklerspray in sharing your favourite awful gags. Here’s one to get you started …
Two sociologists go to a nudist colony. One turns to the other and says ‘Excuse me. Have you read Marx?’ The other one says: ‘Yes. It must be the wicker chairs.’
Think you can do worse? Prove it by posting below.
[story by C J Davies]
jesus says
get a real job you wanker. robin williams is brilliant and you’re probably just a pissed off failed comedian/failure in life.
seriously!
Satan says
Dont look at me…im not the one who created this guy…Jesus where the **** were you at human making class?…seriously…
SumGai says
Robin Williams is one of the best comedians ever… just watch Live at the Met… coked out of his brain and rattling off joke after joke at 100mph. Classic!