Twilight vampire-bore Robert Pattinson (Count Yawncular) is not very good at standing still with some nice clothes on. Nope. He’s a serious actor. He likes standing still and wearing nice clothes while pretending to be someone else.
That doesn’t matter a jot to your screaming fans though, does it? You think he’s dreamier that Rip Van Winkle and he’s, like totally like an amazing actor? Like.
Your belief is so strong that it has pervaded Pattinson’s very essence. He believes he’s too much of a thesp to muck about pretending to be a model for Burberry. That’s right, you could have seen him with his top-off in glossy mags, but no, you made him believe he was a proper actor!
Apparently, Rob has turned down an offer from Burberry that would make him the brand ambassador. For that, he could have opened up his pocket and let $2 million fall straight into it.
See, Pattinson is just too focused on being an actor, which means that any pouting for photos that you might fiddle with yourself over is just too much of a distraction.
Still, at least you can indulge in onanistic pleasures over the thought of Pattinson kissing Kristen Stewart, right? Especially so, now that they have been photographed kissing on a street in Brazil! HOW ROMANTIC!
But wait. What’s this? This was no moment of spontaneous passion! No, they were shunted together by a director because it was all for the cameras. It all makes sense. Robert Pattinson is far too boring and focused to ever succumb to his carnal needs.
The couple were spotted filming honeymoon scenes for the new Twilight Saga film, Breaking Dawn (pics here).
After that, they were papped waving at fans and being unusually cheery with everyone, presumably, before sloping off into a dimly lit room to lie next to each other in bed, reading books, barely able to touch each other without feeling horrifically dirty about themselves.
Or something.
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