Robert Pattinson, a chap so boring that yawning has been known to slit its wrists in his presence, has done a swear on the tellybox, prompting hysterical fangirls to flood their gussets with a mixture of arousal and mirth.
That’s right! Despite having all the charisma of those plastic protector guards you get on new electrical plugs, he’s still able to make every woman on Earth swoon.
So what has he said? Well, he dropped the F-Bomb while ballsing up a joke which someone had written for him, undermining the notion he’s something of a great actor somewhat.
Some of you will know that R-Pattz isn’t particularly good at conveying his emotions via his mouth, even with the help of a writer and director, trying to fashion him into something vaguely humanlike.
So with that, you can imagine how awful he is at making awards show speeches.
Taking to the stage to present his Water for Elephants co-star, Reese Witherspoon, with some pointless trophy, he bumbled and fluffed his way through the English language, falling back on his schtick of simply standing very still while looking vaguely awkward and handsome.
He attempted to make a joke about being cut out of the scenes he and Reese shared, dropping a massive fuck-bomb live on the television, which the technical spuds failed to bleep out.
He said:
?I didn't cut you out, but I did fuck you.?
This prompted actual actress, Reese to corrected her dimwitted himbo of a co-star, saying:
?By the way, Rob, the punch line to your joke was, I played your mother, then we had a sex scene, so really you're the best mother fucker in Hollywood.?
That’s actually a reasonable joke. Oh well. Saves us from having to think of any.
*stands looking vaguely awkward and handsome*
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!
Sophie says
Pleaseee decode the next twilight trailer, nothing makes me laugh quite like it!
aclineo says
i agree w/ all of the fan girls that rob is quite the stunner but his personality (or lack thereof) is pretty incredible at times. whenever he does the late night TV circuit it’s always a bit painful to listen to his attempt at telling funny anecdotes.
VS says
More entertaining thing to watch:
Robert Patterson VS Dog Shit
Dog shit wins!!!!
Emu says
Pleeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeeeee do so! I pay you.
RobisMySoulMate says
I think Rob’s clumbsiness makes him adorable and he pulled off the jokes just fine, he is drop dead gorgeous and should have won People’s sexiest man easily last year!!! I’ve never seen such bitter people as you, wait I take that back I have seen worse, however, what does make you guys smile? ;=)
Dido says
Oh man, another jealous idiot with a short dick cries himself to sleep over Pattinson’s popularity with ladies. Dude go spend some time in a gym. It would do you more good than typing this stupid shit about some guy who doesn’t give a fvck about you and never will.
Suzie123 says
I love the way you describe him. The truth is he really is boring and unattractive. I saw a shot of him doing this new movie and he looks overweight and his skin is pasty (in case Robert’s followers don’t understand the definition for pasty is: Having a pale lifeless appearance; pallid: an unhealthy, pasty complexion.) I can’t watch this guy talk I want to slap his back so he can get the words out. The greatest thing is that he’s proving that he really can’t act and that he doesn’t have much of a fan base outside of Twilight. Before his twi sheep say WFE has made over 100 mil they need to be educated on how this works. You have a production budget, 38 mil then you have a marketing budget 22 mil. Total to cover is 60 million and you need to make 110 mil in the domestic market to break even on the movie. At first you think then he did really good. Wrong, in the US or domestic box office the studio makes 55% of the gross. Currently domestic sales or 55 mil and 55% of that is 30 million. Overseas is where it’s hard to make money. The studio only makes 40% and then have to pay all sorts of fees and more on marketing so it actually works out that the studio would only make 15% of the 40%. In this case overseas sales are at 53 mil so 40% of that is 21 mil and the studio finally gets to take 15% of 21 million which is only 3 mil. That means WFE has made 33 mil which makes it another failure for Robert Pattinson. If Robert really had that many fans he would of made a lot more money. Now the truth is out all these girls are going to see the Twi movies at least 6 times per girl. Which should tell you how pathetic this entire thing has become. Robert blames his fans on his bad acting and he’s always whining. I keep thinking he’s an 11 year old boy in a big body. If he whines this much on set then I really feel sorry for the director.
Cookie Monster says
I scanned-over 85% of that comment. The other 15%, I don’t remember what happened.