Remember when Rihanna had the dogshit knocked out of her by Chris Brown? That was bad wasn’t it? Well, prepare yourself for loads of people saying she asked for it because she likes S&M because, obviously, the two equate.
That’s right masturbators! You can now plant a kinky image in your mind the next time you’re feverishly blistering your palms around your member or whacking a fap to sonic boom levels!
The Bajan belter has stated, quite explicitly, that she likes to be tied up and spanked in the bedroom. And while many enjoy a bit more slap than tickle, it appears that Rihanna only likes it because she was abused as a child, which isn’t great if you’re one of those people who likes being hogtied, but had a perfectly normal childhood. Brace yourself for people being overly concerned about you now.
Rihanna revealed to Rolling Stone (that was a nightmarish combination of words for someone like Jonathan Ross) that she’s a freak in the sheets:
“I think I’m a bit masochistic. I love feeling like I’m somebody’s girl. I love to be tied up and spanked. Using whips and chains is too planned… you have to stop and look for the whip. I prefer them to use their hands.”
This will lead the world’s idiots to suggest that Chris Brown was someone right to lamp RiRi one because there is quite clearly no difference between being attacked by someone and indulging in a bit of roleplay. These dimwits will invariably demand that any child who pretends to be a spaceman should be sent into the outer reaches of our galaxy to conduct tests on the surface of Jupiter, regardless of an obvious lack of training.
Rihanna doesn’t help matters though. Instead of just thrilling at the notion of make-believe, she puts her kinks down to being abused.
“I did not realise until recently. I think that is common in people who witnessed abuse in their childhood. I was always terrified on Friday because he could come home drunk. That was pay day, and half of it went on alcohol.”
“I like to take the reins in my life, but I enjoy being submissive in the bedroom. In there I can be a little lady and have a male who has responsibility for the situation. That’s sexy.
This is where we would normally write some kind of closing paragraph but, regrettably, we’re ‘doing a Carradine’ while thinking of Rihanna with no clothes on.
Sorry.
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Frank says
Was Hecklerspray always this seedy…?
Cookie Monster says
“a male who has responsibility for the situation”
That’s female-speak for “blow your own damn self”, I think. Imagine, someone famous being total crap in the sack on account of self-obsession and/or cocaine. Will the wonders of the modern world ever cease?
Do remember the lemon, Mof, else it’s not worth the wasted shoe string and effort (says Wikipedia).