People talking about sex is rather dull isn’t it. There’s a widespread absence of imagination and titillation because we’ve all got access to it, constantly streaming from our computers. We don’t have to think anymore. It’s just… always there.
And like those people who kid themselves that being into alt.smut is somehow better than trad.filth, people who talk about being into kinky stuff are duller than ditch water.
Sadly, Rihanna is turning into one of those sex-bores. She’s left nothing for us to idly daydream about. She’s basically told us everything and now we’ll have to create other fantasies. And yes, it comes as no surprise that someone who sang ‘S&M’ like to be dominated in the bedroom.
The thrill of certain popstars is that you assume how dirty they might be if, in some fantasy scenario, you managed to get them in the bedroom. You wonder what they look like and how they might do it to you… but alas, with Rihanna, she’s so keen to tell us – coupled with the fact that naked pictures of her are already online – she’s taken all that fun stuff away.
And while we cover our ears and shout “STOPPIT!”, Ri sits in the corner being all forthright about her bedroom shenanigans.
Explaining why she likes a man to take charge, she said:
‘I play a very dominant role in my life, in every aspect of it. And I like to feel like a lady still, at some point.
‘I feel like that’s the time when a guy really gets to be a man, and I get to be a woman. And if I’m being a man in the bedroom too, there’s nothing really in it for me.’
And it irritates her that she’s supposed to be a role model.
‘I want to set the right example and, at the same time, live my life..I feel like pop stars can’t be rock stars anymore because they have to be role models, and it takes the fun out of it for us, because we just want to have fun with art.’
NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS FOR US DIRTY BUGGERS LOOKING ON!
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!
JoeMomma says
Pop Stars can’t be Rock Stars for the following reasons.
1) You don’t play an instrument.
2) You don’t write any of your own songs (lyrics).
3) You don’t write any of your own music.
4) You lip synch at concerts.
5) Your act is your dancing instead of playing an instrument.
6) Auto-tune and studio magic.
7) You’re choreographed because you can’t dance without someone telling you how.
8) Your music (read the music people tell you to sing) is vepid and empty and repetitive.
9) Your fans are either under the age of 12 or complete morons (re: MJ fans)
10) Your music sound like the same derivative pop, R&B, rap that has come out the last 20 years.
11) You’re constantly on Hecklerspray’s hit list.
12) You have to do something to be in the news constantly otherwise people would forget you and your bland music.
shock and awe says
Wow, JoeMomma! You really hit the nail on the head. I bow to your insightful commentary!
Real G says
Hey JoeMomma, get you’re head out of your ass loser. I turned on the radio and guess how much rock music I heard…. NONE I heard NONE! Just because your jealous of a different genre of music that makes much more money then the rock genre doesnt mean you can get away with it. Shock and Awe you can continue to suck. Look at the charts or you can just listen to the radio, Rock is dead and its good that it’s dead. RnB, Pop and Rap artists make more insightful music and yes they do write their own songs and music loser. Stop being a hater all your life and grow up. NO rock artists are relevant anymore, its over get over it and grow up. Autotune, writing their own songs, dancing… Are you serious, you are more stupid then I though child. People try to revolutionise music its what they do and as far as I am concerned phasing out Rock music is the best thing thats happened. Now shut your mouth and run along now…
JoeMomma says
Here I’ll write this in a language you understand.
YeR aLl RaWk Haterzzzzth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JoeMomma says
Thank you, that really means a lot to me. Thanks for validating my online existence.
Note: Yes, I’m really bored at work today so I may be spamming/trolling Hecklerpsray hard.
Real G says
I noticed you couldn’t come back with anything valid to say, just like your mother. All I did was state fact, it is you who choses to hate on those you a jealous of and state you’re foolish bias opnions that no one cares about. I tried to find a language that I could communicate this to YOU, but unfortunatly I couldn’t find a launguage for pretentious, arrogant douche bags who think that people actually give a crap about their opinions and spend their lives commenting and trolling on the internet because they can’t make it in the real world. What a fool. You have provided much amusement for me loser and I hope you continue to amuse me with your foolish excistance and opinions that don’t really mean anything. Die Slow.
Nlax says
shut up man. you got no idea what your talking about. no one loves you dont take it out on us.
Real G says
Ok JoeMomma, you clearly had no valid comback just like your mother. So let me say this you stupid ass loser. It’s clear you spend your life on the internet, giving you’re bias opinions and irralevant comments all over the sites you troll on. you must realise that if no one gives a crap about you in real life then no one cares about your stupid little bias childish opinions loser. Just because you are bias and don’t have a life doesn’t mean you can get away with the stupid crap you say. Your music has been phased out by a new more effective and meaningful form of music and no one loves you… Get over it. Your stupidity has amused me and I hope it continues to amuse me. I tried to find a language to communicate this to YOU. Unfortunatly I couldn’t find a language that convey’s arrogant, bias, douchebag, unloved speak. Get a life loser. You only provide amusement to me, other then that you have minimal purpose.
Really.. Really.. Really says
lol is this joe momma for real. hecklerspray is clearly propaganda against rnb, hip hop and popular music but when you dont have a clue about what your sayin you should just shut up lol. joe and hecklerspray… get a life, like a real life lol. damn internet trolls spending all their time on the internet making trouble. funny thing is i dont even like rnb hip hop rap pop etc but i am just calling it how it is. that genre of music clearly blows rock and most other genres away. its not the 80’s anymore rock is gone and we have to accept that not accept someones opinions instead of what is actually true. go n go get a life joe.
Cookie Monster says
There is much amusing stupidity in these comments. Real G, you try do try so, so hard. I think that you should keep it up. Reveal to the world how Hecklerspray is a front for rock-loving, any-other-music (that is completely unrelated to, influenced by, or indeed, co-depedant upon, rock – both modern and classic) hating, jealous, ignorant, loser, trolls who exist only to amuse you. If only you could try a little harder, you would have won me over.
You went wrong with only a few little details. First, what the fuck is a radio? How do you turn it on; do you caress it with 4/4 rhythmic strokes with your four-finger band and your thumb handling back-up vocals, and what chord progression does it take? You say that you “dont even like rnb hip hop rap pop etc”. What the hell music do you like? Are you classical fan? Maybe a little chamber music? Punk (rock), country (rock), blues (proto-rock)?
Then you state that phasing-out rock music, which you imply peaked in the 80’s (reruns of the Monkeys?), is happening, and good. Somebody call every artists since about 1990 and tell them that they need to ‘phase-out’ every sample that they have ever lifted if you want to be such a purist. While you’re at it, ring-up Radiohead, Coldplay, Muse, and the rest of them and let them know that it’s time to go home, because your mental radio doesn’t receive their signal.
Then we get into the fine details; the hair-splitting. What genre do the Beastie Boys occupy, or Portishead, or howabout the sample-happy Black Eyed Peas? Or, well, some of these folks: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_rap_rock_bands. Forget pop and RnB; the targets are too rich in those genres.
Anyway, obvious troll is obvious, but then again, maybe you are just really, really dense. Say, what’s your opinion of Michael Jackson’s legacy? Good or bad rapist?
Real G says
I’ll say it simplified for you loser. Stop hating and being jealous of those genres. If they are so bad why are you not out there doing something huh? Oh and you know the radio, that little machine that… You know what I’m not going to get into it with a mental idiot. You can listen to the radio but since you dont know what that is maybe you could go on iTunes or MTV if you know what they are (you probably dont, you are a dumbass biatch like your mother and sister) or you could just open your eyes. (one at a time in your case) and clearly see your opinion of ‘music’ isn’t around anymore. Hence the fact that you are trolling on the internet and not listening to their new releases. (they don’t have new releases because they are not relevant, just like your grandma and father.) So get over it and stop living on the damn internet. Get out of you’re mothers basement for once and go outside, maybe listen to some real music. (stop saying troll and trolling ok, you can type fairly good so speak like a grown person) You started off as amusing now you just make me sad. Please get help or a life. Die Slow. Peace.
Real G says
PS: When did I ever say I didn’t like Hip Hop/Rap RnB or Pop. I do like relevant genres thank you. (get your shit straight)