Though famous for making excellent life choices, Rihanna has made one more ? by getting a set of hideous tattoos. Most female celebrity tattoos look like they were purchased with a Groupon voucher and inked by Micheal J Fox post-Parkinson?s. Rihanna?s are no exception.
The never-knowingly-dressed starlet has got the words ?Thug Life? inked on her knuckles, and something so wonderfully secret that she's yet to tweet a photo on her back.
Yes, you read that right. Thug. Life. Life must be really tough in that multi-million dollar ghetto she's living in. We heard that just the other day the barista accidentally gave her the wrong sort of soya milk in her dickheaduccino. So she had him drive-by?ed (we possibly made this up).
Rihanna tweeted about the new tat saying:
?? All these b****es screaming that 2pac back ? #THUGLIFE.?
?Tat my fuckin name on u girl so I know its real!!! #MINE?
Getting another tattoo was possibly the least shocking thing Rihanna could do. If she really wanted to shock us, she should show us a clean bill of health from an STD clinic, or convert to Mormonism.
Rihanna is clearly showing signs of dementia. Not only does she appear to ask her grandmother what her name is in one of her songs, her tattoos seem to show Memento-like references to her life. The 14 that we can think of are?
1. Musical notes on her right foot. An obvious reference to her career choice.
2. Pisces sign behind her ear. So she knows her month of birth
3. Some misspelled Sanskrit jibberish down her side. To remind her that she's an unswerving nincompoop.
4. A star in her left ear ? to remind her about the ones she got on her back
5. More foreign scrawlings on her ribcage. Allegedly her order at Starbucks
6. Skull on her foot ? to remind her not to order a starter AND a desert
7. The word ?love? on her finger. It's on the hand she used to shield her face from the blows
8. Shhh on another finger. Short for Shut The Fuck Up.
9. The date of her best friend?s birthday.
10. Tribal design ? to remind her to rip off other people?s culture, as well as their music
11. A gun near her boob ? useful during hostage situations and robberies.
12. ?Rebelle Fleur? on her neck or something (we lost interest at this point). Because thing sound less dickish in French, right?
13. And the kicker – ‘Never a failure, always a lesson’ WRITTEN IN MIRROR WRITING ON HER SHOULDER.
Rihanna is a douche of the highest proportions. We know we're not really allowed to say this, but forget Chris Brown – we're willing to bet that if Ghandi was left in a room with her, he'd be using her meaty thighs to beat her to death with four minutes in.
If we were Rihanna, then the only tattoo we’d accept should read: stop humping woman-abusing low lives. Or warning: will go into anaphylactic shock if forced to wear more than two items of clothing.