Northern Ireland is a strange bit of the world to visit. For starters, they call underpants ‘gonks’. Secondly, they still have a man sat in a broom cupboard introducing Coronation Street. He’s called Julian and we’re told he’s the only official homosexual in the North of Ireland.
Apart from Julian, Niron had a brush with another superstar, this time, Rihanna. She was filming a video in a corn field in Bangor.
However, things took a turn for the filthy when Rihanna got her breasts out, causing an incident with a local farmer… and you don’t mess with Northern Irish farmers or you might end up in a shallow pit covered in lime, just behind the shed filled with contraband machine guns.
While filming the promotional video for her new Calvin Harris collaboration (called ‘We Found Love’, which isn’t great and can be heard at the foot of the article), RiRi was dancing around in a red bikini top. For some reason, she decided to removed the top and get ’em out.
It most certainly won’t have been anything to do with it being too hot.
The farmer who owned the land sadly caught sight of Rihanna’s chesticles and wasn’t having any of it.
Alan Graham told BBC News:
“I thought it was inappropriate. I requested them to stop and they did. I had my conversation with Rihanna and I hope she understands where I’m coming from. We shook hands.”
Get that? Rihanna’s breasts were quite possibly still on show while she gingerly shook hands with a farmer from Bangor. In fairness, Alan Graham probably didn’t find the whole thing at all sexual because, as we all know, farmers look at everything like it’s livestock.
He was more likely to be weighing her up with regard to childbirth or being able to carry inordinately heavy items down a sodden field in November.
He wasn’t done either. He added:
“I didn’t know who was coming. If the name ‘Rihanna’ had been mentioned, well, no disrespect but it wouldn’t have meant anything.
“From my point of view, it was my land, I have an ethos and I felt it was inappropriate. I wish no ill will against Rihanna and her friends. Perhaps they could acquaint themselves with a greater God.”
Amazing.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or else we’ll kill you in your sleep or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED!
d says
Too bad RiRi wasn’t in Limerick, it would have been life changing for her:
There once was a lass named McGill
who tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
and bits of her tits in Brazil
d says
Dare someone to beat that one ! Best limerick EVER!
Cookie Monster says
There once was a lass in Nantucket.
You can figure-out the rest.