Another week, another member of the Kardashian clan having their dirty laundry aired in public. Only this time, it’s literally Bruce Jenner’s lacy unmentionables that everybody’s talking about.
The psychological experts at Star Magazine have some bad news for all you metrosexual guys out there – if you pluck your eyebrows and cut your fingernails, then you’re transgender and your wife is probably preparing to leave you. Everyone knows a real man needs to be hairier than Chewbacca on testosterone.
It’s a little known fact that there are actually two huge Wheel-Of-Fortune style discs in the Star Magazine offices that are used to make cover stories on slow news days. Today, the first wheel landed on ‘Bruce Jenner’ and the second wheel ticked straight past ‘Sex Tape’, narrowly avoided ‘Weight Gain’ and landed slap-bang on ‘Cross Dresser’. Voila – Instant headline!
No Kardashian marriage ever ends amicably, so naturally there had to be some bombshell waiting to be detonated. According to the Holy Grail of Gossip, Bruce’s alleged love for women’s underwear was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
“[Kim Kardashian] asked the housekeeper if she’d seen any lingerie, and the housekeeper said it was in Bruce’s closet. So Kim went inside Bruce’s closet and found tons of expensive lingerie that was all stretched out! She took it all and left. . .
Kim told [Bruce] she had his lingerie. He turned red and walked out. When Kim finally told her sisters, it became a running joke that Bruce wears lingerie. . .”
Sorry to break it to you Kim, but finding underwear hidden among your stepdad’s belongings usually means he’s banging somebody that isn’t your mom. This is apparently not the case because Star also claim that Bruce owns more dresses than Kim does, hiding them away in his Malibu home. I’ve warned celebrities multiple times about checking their wall cavities for stray Star reporters, but it seems they are still not listening. I give up.
Still not convinced that Bruce wants to be a woman?
“Bruce has a feminine side. He likes growing his hair out, likes getting manicures and pedicures and won’t leave his house without his diamond earrings. And he’s obsessed with plucking his eyebrows! Kris has told Bruce that she will reveal his secret if he doesn’t go along with her plans about their split or their show.”
HE IS OUT OF CONTROL. I bet he even washes his hair more than once a fortnight!
Bruce isn’t the only one blowing off some steam from the breakup, because his two younger daughters were caught in a 21-and-over sex-themed nightclub this week. Maybe Kris should focus her energy on stopping her daughters getting wasted rather than outing her ex-husband .