It's Friday, and that only means one thing – Dancing On Ice tomorrow. Oh wait, two things; it also means we get to look at some Razzies betting odds – they're like The Oscars, except they give awards to people like Sharon Stone for having wonky boobs.
Today we're sharking in on the betting odds for the stupidest of the Razzies categories – the Worst On-Screen Couple. This award exists purely on the basis that the only thing worse than one stinking pointless arsehole fouling up a bad film is two stinking pointless arseholes fouling up a bad film. Or a stinking pointless arsehole dressed as a bear punching out girls. Or a stinking pointless arsehole with wonky boobs. Fun this, honest.
So here are the Razzies betting odds for the Worst On-Screen Couple – for all kinds of bad idiots – with betting odds coming from Paddy Power…
Shawn Wayans & EITHER Kerry Washington OR Marlon Wayans, Little Man – Do you see? Little Man is so dreadful that more or less any combination of the principal cast members make up the Razzies Worst Couple contenders. The important thing, though, is that Shawn Wayans has to be in there somewhere. Not the badly-superimposed face of Marlon Wayans over the top of a staggering toddler. Not Kerry Washington, who plays a woman basically trying to fend off a baby's attempts to have sex with her while she sleeps. But Shawn Wayans, who is so pointless that we can't actually remember what it is he does in Little Man. Current Razzies Worst Couple betting odds – 11/2
Tim Allen & Martin Short, The Santa Clause 3 – Now we're going to have to disagree here. Although we're so against watching The Santa Clause 3 that we'd rather run screaming into the sea than sit through it, we actually quite like Martin Short. Watching Martin Short play Uncle Jack in an episode of Arrested Development made us laugh harder than we can remember. However, since he's in a film with Tim Allen – up for Worst Actor in The Razzies three times – he deserves some kind of horrible punishment, and half of a Worst Couple Razzie award is just going to have to do. Current Razzies Worst Couple betting odds – 9/2
Hilary & Haylie Duff, Material Girls – Here at hecklerspray we often lay awake at night screaming "Why is Hilary Duff famous? Why?" because we really don't get it. Now and again in the UK Hilary Duff will pop up on the Paul O'Grady Show and half of the interview will be spent explaining exactly who she is to the army of bewildered twits in the audience. And that's just for her music – and that's just Hilary Duff. We didn't even know that Haylie Duff even existed until a couple of weeks ago. Are Hilary & Haylie Duff worthy of a title like the Razzies Worst Couple award? Hopefully not, as we're under the impression that they'll go away if we ignore them enough. Current Razzies Worst Couple betting odds – 3/1
Nicolas Cage And His Bear Suit, The Wicker Man – The original Wicker Man was a brilliantly creepy exploration of two clashing faiths, but the Nicolas Cage version of The Wicker Man has none of that. No. That film has Nicolas Cage shouting "Not the bees! NOT THE BEES!" and holding a gun to a woman's head because she stands to close to his bike. Worst of all is the part where Nicolas Cage – dressed like a grizzly bear from head to toe – runs up a hill and punches a girl in the face as hard as he can. Did we say 'worst'? We meant 'Best thing we've ever seen in our entire lives'. A Worst Couple Razzie isn't enough for a performance like Cage's – he should be crowned Emperor Of Macedonia or something. Current Razzies Worst Couple betting odds – 9/4
Sharon Stone's Lop-Sided Breasts, Basic Instinct 2 – Obviously it's very brave of a woman as old as Sharon Stone to go naked in a film like Basic Instinct 2 – and she undoubtedly looks better than many other women of her age – but Sharon Stone's Lop-Sided Breasts seem to be the exact things that the Razzies Worst Couple category were invented for. Although Sharon Stone's Lop-Sided Breasts never run up a hill and punch a woman in the face like Nicolas Cage, they do feature in Basic instinct 2 with such crushing regularity that all trace of eroticism have been pounded out of them by the end of the film. And, yes, they are lop-sided, but not as lop-sided as her eyebrows. Current Razzies Worst Couple betting odds – 2/1
Next week – mostly the same as this week, but better. But if that's too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Razzies betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.
Norbert says
The Wicker Man is comedy gold…. I’m not sure how much Cage deserves this award
mikey says
my god!!you’re asking why hilary duff is famous..she had a top rating tv show 3 number 1 albums..that sold more than 14 million worldwide..with different endorsements..a bunch of movies..some movies were high grossers..so exactly why is hilary duff famous?