Professor Green as, despite forever sounding like he’s in a headlock, managed to forge a career as a rapper. At least he’s managed to answer the question: What would Nelson Mandela sound like if he went into hip hop?
Anyway, Professor Green (Professor in sounding like he’s got a wasp trapped in his windpipe while looking despairingly gormless, if you were wondering) is currently in the middle of a tour where he performs for Guardian readers and other people who afraid of non-whites on the sly.
And get this! You yoghurt plaiting gimps can catch him some more as he’s announced dates for a brand new UK tour in April 2012! AMAZING NEWS FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE THEIR RAPPERS TO SOUND LIKE CUDDLES THE MONKEY!
Of course, mainstream rap at the moment is treading two paths. The first is the LET’S SOUND LIKE HADDAWAY AND MAKE EUROPOPRAP! and the other, the one fancied by Prof. Green and Drake, LET’S SHOW OURSELFS TO BE SENSITIVE, THOUGHTFUL THUG LIFERS! YEAH!
Proffles Greeno has songs called ‘Today I Cried’ and ‘Never be a Right Time’ y’know? That’s because he really cares. And sounds like the air being kicked out of a lilo.
Naturally, the world has been crying out for a rapper that sounds like they’ve swallowed a bag of KP despite their nut-allergy closing their throat up, so it’s little wonder that Proffo Grunibonk has become a massive star in the UK.
They play him on the radio y’know?
Sadly, the radio doesn’t pick up his lovely neck tattoo which actually is the lyrics for MC Miker G & DJ Sven’s ‘Holiday Rap’, which is Greeno’s primary inspiration for picking up the mic.
And if you don’t know what that reference means, get yourself to YouTube immediately.
Anyway, the remainder of Proodles Groonaldo’s tour is…
…wait! He’s not paying us to promote him and his awful shoe-squeak voice! Sod him. Go find out the dates yourself and we’ll chase after you with flame-throwers you earless berks.
MJ says
You should really sort the typos and poor sentence structure. They make you look stupid.
Gilbert Wham says
Nah, they picked him specifically cos he’s thick as fuck. Last editor pissed off to work for a proper newspaper, so they hired one who’d never even have the vaguest hope of escaping to pastures new. Variation on the Peter Principle, innit?