Dane Cook is a talentless hack, unfunny to the nth degree and now, it would seem, is something of a preening twit about his image.

In hecklerspray’s opinion, of course.

Aside from running around on stage, being both sickeningly popular and yet managing to remain devoid of any actual ‘comedy’ – a special achievement for a comedian, no doubt – Dane Cook is now complaining about the poster for his new movie, My Best Friend’s Girl, because on it he looks weird.

What the actual issue is, we’re not sure – he always looks weird to us.

Posting on his MySpace blog, Cook lambasted the poster, whoever made it, Photoshop, his own face, some other things and… well, we got bored, because he’s even less funny than we are on our bad days. Instead of reading it we just went back to the enlightening YouTube videos that claim he steals his jokes from other, less-known, funnier comedians.

Not like that’s ever happened in stand up before now, is it? Just as it’s not like mainstream bands steal from ones on the underground, Hollywood steals from indie cinema and advertising steals from everything that’s ever existed ever. Unfounded, ridiculous allegations. In a way.

Anyway, we would go and post all of Dane’s lovely blog, but it’s really long and boring, full of the type of sitting-on-the-fence language where he wants to slate the poster and whoever was involved in its creation while at the same time making sure to go on about how great the movie itself is, just so he doesn’t fall foul of the studio bigwigs.

And they say integrity is overrated.

Part of the blog, at least, said these words:

Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using “You Suck at Photoshop” templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

The rant went on:

The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears’ vagina.

Well, at least we know he can’t spell now. Just another thing to add to the list.

There’s a lot more of it, but it’s all ‘ho ho ho look at me I’m a funny man!’ pseudo-criticism that makes him look like more of a whiny prat than normal, so we’ll just stick with those two bits for now. If you want to find the rest, go to MySpace and search for ‘overrated hack’.

Anywho, in the list of Dane’s complaints, he mouths off about his face, his skin, his eyes, what he’s wearing and just about everything else about his image. Does that mean he’s resorted to stealing hecklerspray’s material too? We are more than happy to have a go at him for all of those things, you see. We’ll have to adapt and go for his personality as well, just to see if he’ll follow suit.

That would be a blog post worth reading.