Once upon a time there was a girl who couldn’t sing. Llike all good fame hungry, fake tanned dunderheads, she joined a silly band with other girls who also sang in the key of ‘pish’, married a footballer and stopped eating until she was built like the side of a five pound note.
Then while playing hangman with her husband, she drew some trousers on the stick man and decided to become a fashion designer.
It probably didn’t go exactly like that but we’re guessing it’s not far off.
However, despite being the switched on ‘savvy’ chick we love to see not smiling back at us in ‘Hello’, Posh Spice occasionally gets really fucking confused and feels the need to tell the world about it via the telly.
Recently she went on CNN to announce that she doesn’t know the sex of her baby.
She said
?Honestly. I don’t know the sex of my baby?
You see? She has no clue. Not just about this we fear.
We’re hoping she realises there are only two possibilities but even we are considering the very real possibility of a small monkey emerging from the murky depths of her tiny womb and killing us all.
With three boys already irritating the hell out of the nanny, she’s now hoping for a girl; mainly because her hand-me-down clothes won’t fit any female over the age of 2.
She even suggested that she may continue to let David ride her until finally a girl monkey… sorry… baby bursts through an old c-section scar, Alien style, making their, soon-to-be-Scientology-controlled-if-Tom Cruise-has-any-say-in-it, lives complete.
When asked if she’d consider having six children, she laughed and said
?Well, I’m not Angelina. I don’t know.?
Indeed. The nerve. We’re glad the reporter didn’t suggest 8 kids, she’d have compared herself to Rod Stewart before punching her in the face.
However, we’re sure that before the kid is even out of the wrapper, she’ll have blessed it with a ridiculous name like ‘Pumper’, stuck some gold shoes on it and thrown it down a catwalk like a bowling ball, knocking over Gwen Stefani and her offspring before going back on CNN to announce she doesn’t know something else decidedly unimportant.
This article was by Joanna Bolouri who can knock buildings over with one sneer. So that’s just brilliant, right? Don’t make her deck you one.
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