Hecklerspray’s science lab technicians have been working long and hard on one of the trickiest questions ever asked by humankind – ‘What is the point of Peaches Geldof?’ As yet, they still haven’t managed an answer.
The closest they have come is to find a whole host of things that Peaches Geldof (who isn’t engaged) would probably do.
The latest is the discovery that Geldof would probably wear a bikini made entirely from raw meat. Don’t you dare tell us that we don’t bring you the hottest and most important stories.
If you didn’t know, Lady Gaga (real name Assumpta H. Calculator) appeared on the cover of Vogue Hommes Japan recently, wearing little more than a bikini made out of beef.
And so, ever the useful celebrity, Peaches ‘The Continual Disappointment To Sir Bob’ Geldof, decided to let the world know that she’d probably wear the same thing.
She tweeted:
‘RE: Lady Gaga’s meat bikini aka meatkini: I probably would wear one on the beach, but would be scared of birds pecking at it. Hmm…fashion.’
She added:
‘On second thoughts, if I wore a meatkini in the sun, it would cook on my skin. Meatkini + sun = steak, medium rare. Just pick off and enjoy.’
So what else might Peaches Geldof do?
Say ‘like’ every three seconds? Try heroin? Continue to use up valuable oxygen that could be used by someone more deserving like, say, a lepton? Try elevating herself above Celebrity Plankton status? Would she try out the new machine we’ve made which is designed to give her a swift smack around the head, every single time she blinks or breathes out?
We’ll get back to you when we know more/make something up.