Good news, boys! Even though Peaches Geldof has been marauding around with an engagement ring, she isn’t actually engaged.
She’s still on the market! Hooray! We still have a chance of marrying her ourselves! Because, make no mistake, Peaches Geldof is a catch. What we wouldn’t give for a wife as droning and pointless and bleary and compulsively attention-seeking and thoroughly objectionable and funny-voiced and weird-looking and maddeningly annoying and completely awful as her. She’s a fox, in the sense that she generally looks quite unwashed and a bit feral.
So if Peaches Geldof isn’t engaged, then why does she keep going out with an engagement ring on? We refer you back to the ‘droning and pointless and bleary and compulsively attention-seeking and thoroughly objectionable and funny-voiced and weird-looking and maddeningly annoying and completely awful’ line above. That’s why.
We get the feeling that Peaches Geldof thinks that she’d shrivel up and die if people stopped paying attention to her. Which is clearly not the case – if it was then we would have obviously organised a nationwide Nobody Pay Any Attention To Peaches Geldof Day, just to make sure that it definitely happened. But despite this, Peaches Geldof is determined to cling on to her minuscule sliver of notoriety however she can.
Her latest ruse – following the ruse where she got married to someone she’d only just met, the ruse where she divorced him, the ruse where she was photographed in the middle of what looked like a drug-fuelled sex game and the ruse where everything she ever does, says or thinks makes us want to claw at our own skin with our fingernails and then go and roll around in salt – is to twonk around around with an engagement ring on. Except – get this! – she isn’t even engaged. Crazy. Metro reports:
Peaches Geldof resorted to a classic celebrity ?look at me? tactic ? waggling an ?engagement? ring after a dinner date with boyfriend Eli Roth. The couple were marking their six-month anniversary on the night 38-year-old Roth?s film, The Last Exorcism, premiered in London?s Leicester Square. Geldof?s spokeswoman insisted Sir Bob?s girl was ?100 per cent not engaged?.
Goodness, what will Peaches Geldof do next? We couldn’t possibly imagine, although it goes without saying that if it doesn’t involve going far far away and never being seen in public ever again by anyone then we’ll probably be quite disappointed.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter and Facebook