In a recent interview with Rolling Stone, Phil Collins showed that music isn’t exactly his primary passion. His big love is the Alamo and he’s got rooms and rooms filled with old army tat, which he probably dresses up in, silently crying and trying to figure out why everyone hates him so.
Of course, Phil isn’t an evil man at all, as shown when he bravely spoke out against child abuse with the hugely successful ‘Nonce Sense’ campaign, also backed by such luminaries as Gary Lineker and Dr Fox.
And so, with such a busy life, Collins has decided to quit the music industry, leaving everyone to consider a long bleak future which contains absolutely zero releases of Motown covers by a tiny bald man with hearing difficulties.
There’s been a lot of ill-feeling toward Phil Collins for the best part of 20 years. Probably longer. Some Genesis fans will never forgive him for what he did to Genesis, despite the fact that they were just as awful when Peter Gabriel was in the group.
The ’80s came along and everyone pointed at him and spat “Tory git” while he made gigantically successful power ballads like Against All Odds and In The Air Tonight. And power ballads are horrible, horrible things. He didn’t help himself by manning the drum stool with Led Zep at Live Aid either.
Then he made films. Awful, awful films.
And all the while, his mystifying popularity remained. His legions of fans pointed toward the cool riff in Easy Lover and the synthhorn fun of Sussudio while ‘haters’ grew and grew and grew.
Alongside the various health problems that have mercifully scuppered a regular recording career, Phil has decided that he is quitting the music biz for good (yeah right – see you in a couple of years for a Greatest Hits tour Phil) because of those blasted haters.
It goes without saying that Collins’ career has been littered with successes. Number ones, Grammys, Academy Awards and more… but, to quote Noel Gallagher, ?you don’t have to be great to be successful. Look at Phil Collins.? Ironically enough, Noel is responsible for some of the most turgid excuses for music ever to grace an unfortunate earhole.
Anyway, holed up in Switzerland (presumably for the bank accounts), Phil is now going to distance himself from a music scene that distanced itself from Phil many, many years ago, save for an appearance of a drum thumping Gorilla selling chocolate bars.
Phil says:
?I don’t really belong to that world and I don’t think anyone’s going to miss me. I’m much happier just to write myself out of the script entirely?
His choice comes from his notion that the world today is more concerned with MTV Music Awards and artists who care more about celebrity status than making ‘proper’ music. Like, musicians who want to appear in films, write scores for Disney, have their ‘art’ used in commercials and, maybe, have their songs used by failed X Factor winners like Steve Brookstein or Westlife?
Eh?
Shut up Phil. Go away you mewing shagsack and go piddle around with your hearing aids and Davy Crockett memorabilia.
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Tom J says
I think I speak for all music fans when I say “thank f#ck”.
Jason says
Go to his website and get the facts:
A personal message from Phil
Greetings to all, I’ve decided to write this in response to the articles that surfaced last weekend regarding my retirement. Why they were printed at all is a mystery, as I haven’t spoken to anybody in the press for a few months.
However, many of the articles printed over the last few months have ended up painting a picture of me that is more than a little distorted. Therefore, I would like to add my comments and try to explain again my reasons for calling it a day.
1/ I’m not stopping because of dodgy reviews or bad treatment in the press.
2/ I’m not stopping because I don’t feel loved, I know I still have a very large fanbase that loves what I do. Thank you.
3/ I’m not stopping because I don’t fit in, this was proved with “Going Back” reaching No 1 in the UK, and doing incredibly well worldwide.
4/ I’m not stopping so I can dive full time into my interest for the Alamo.
I am stopping so I can be a full time father to my two young sons on a daily basis.
Some of the things mentioned above have been said by me in various interviews, but said as asides with a smile on my face and in passing. They were not meant to be “headlines”, they were small parts of a conversation. This clearly doesn’t come over in print and I should know better.
However, the result is that I have ended up sounding like a tormented weirdo who thinks he was at the Alamo in another life, who feels very sorry for himself, and is retiring hurt because of the bad press over the years.
None of this is true.
Thanks for all your messages on the Forum regarding this stuff, it means a lot that you care.
But there’s no need for the straitjacket !
PC x
joemomma says
There’s a typo. It says FANS. I think it should read FAN, i.e.: Jason.
Spankie Spangler says
Mof…….thanks for another well needed laugh on a miserable Monday….and incidentally ‘mof’ was the noise I made when I sprayed the tea I was drinking over my computer screen when I read the line…”Shut up Phil. Go away you mewing shagsack and go piddle around with your hearing aids and Davy Crockett memorabilia.” Your Christmas card messages must be delightful!
Tom J says
Nobody said any of that stuff about why he’s quitting, we all just assumed it’s because he’s utter shit. Funny how he didn’t have a rebuttal for that one…