It was a great day for romantics when Peter Andre managed to?croon his way into Jordan’s sleeping bag out there?in the Australian jungle.
She was playing impossible-to-get, he was making up songs called Lady, Please, Just Let Me Touch Them, and singing them directly to her without once breaking eye contact. Their eventual marriage came as no surprise. And neither, unfortunately, has their split.
Jordan has ruined many a great man along the way. So, Andre, once you’ve stopped crying, you will hopefully appreciate the great shoulders you are now rubbing alongside…
1. Ace from Gladiators
Ace was by far the greatest of The Gladiators – once you count out Wolfie, Huntsman, and Toots. He swept Jordan off her feet back when she was just an aspiring glamour model begging the world to have a look at her boobs. Ace was equally impressive and physical, and best of all, he could make his pecs bounce in time to music. A great man. Or, at least, he was. Now he’s building lofts using the name Warren Furman. Thanks, Jordan.
2. Dane Bowers
When Dane finally managed to slide his revolting tongue into Jordan’s mouth, he had the world at his feet. Another Level were probably the best soul group since The Temptations, and Dane looked all set to become either the new Michael Jackson, or the old Justin Timberlake. Unfortunately, the curse of Jordan cut him so deeply that he was last seen dancing for compliments next to a bin.
3. Gareth Gates
Granted, somehow Jordan managed to cure Gareth Gates’ lifelong stuttering issues. But that was it for the good stuff. She famously coaxed him into unleashing his busy hands on her when she was about eight months pregnant, and ever since then,?Gareth’s hugely promising?career has nosedived. He clumsily threw himself around an ice rink to make people love him again, all the while?stuttering “Bloody Jordan” under his breath. It didn’t work.
4. Dwight Yorke
To put things into perspective, when they first started?smearing oil into?one another’s legs, Dwight Yorke was playing marvelous football for Manchester United. That’s right, Manchester United – the?team that Cristiano Ronaldo plays for. Now he’s playing for Sunderland, who are universally considered to be rubbish. Nice one Jordan.
You want more like this? Visit Josh at Interestment right now, then.