Syphilitic, limescale covered piss-rocker, Pete Doherty, has done us all a gigantic favour by getting in trouble which could see him getting five years in prison. Half a decade without his plodding, poetry-for-beginners, self-serving, bloated, pus-leaking indie dirge!
Just imagine!
See, this gasping berk who is the single biggest case for legalising Assisted Suicide (or ‘murder’ if you prefer) allegedly broke into a music shop during a night out, where he was invariably surrounded by sycophantic, libertine-tattooed simpletons in porkpie hats, with jaundiced skin and brown teeth, all egging him on to be the rebel that their middle class upbringing could never permit them.
Prosecutors in Germany, cheered on by millions of people in possession of one functioning brain cell and a crude hearing device, are looking to press charges over the incident in Regensburg.
Of course, the singer, with a body akin to boiled mince made from diseased horses and a voice that sounds like someone tackling pre-vomit water, is already serving a six month jail sentence for cocaine possession. It goes without saying that he’ll be spending his time in the clink writing laughably bad prose in an attempt to sell it on at a later date as his ‘prison diaries’ like he’s Jeffrey Archer or something.
Doherty has admitted that he smashed in the shop’s window, but conveniently, he claims that he really can’t remember what happened next.
That’s probably because his tawdry little brain is about as much use as a cyst on your eyelid and if you load it up with cheap drugs and drink, it’s only going to leak cloudy detritus into your synapses, which explains why he is under the assumption that he’s some modern-day William Blake or something.
With any luck, Peter’s prison inmates will recognise him as being that dreadful, dreadful human who created some of the most average music in human history and see to it that he has a quick boardroom meeting with a pool ball in a sock.
Sadly, his grating, fawning fans will then turn him into some kind of martyr for idiocy and we’ll never hear the end of it.
Damn.
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arnoold says
pete docherty is SICK MAN godaamit you should be HELPING him to RECOVER not spoting this BS. your words and lies isnt constrictive at all.
FREE PETE
theTruth says
they’re not constrictive at all, you’re right, they are constructive though, he could do with stopping creating BS music
arzkazoo says
FREE PETE?
Didn’t this junkie waste of space commit a crime? So let’s look at it like this: a junkie, of equivalent worthlessness, with the same musical ability (i.e none) smashes not a shop window, but a window at your parent’s house.
..Still clamoring for this “sick” individual to be “FREE” are we?
..I thought not.
Now fuck off down’t shops and buy yourself an N.M.E
scratch royale says
There’s a difference between having a thesaurus and being funny.
Arthur ASCii says
There
Jemma Brunton says
Pete Doherty is God. Whoever wrote this article of piss is a jumped up deformed half force fed pumpkin which isnt suitable for starving dogs to eat. Hail King Pete. <3
Dazian says
fuck off