When we were walking back from the pub one evening, a man suddenly jumped out in front of us and gave us a warning. “Be careful of your actions, for they will mould the rest of your life”. "Umm, OK" we thought as the trampy looking bloke ran in to the night.
However, we hold our hands up now and admit this incident has come true. We all know about Princess Diana. She was the people’s princess, the princess of hearts. Despite being dead for over ten years now, she is still making the news. Just think of her as the equivalent of Tupac. But still, Mohamed Al Fayed claims the Duke of Edinburgh was behind a plot to murder Diana and his son Dodi before they got married. But some just-unearthed letters say he might not have been, actually. It’s almost like some sort of bad film script.
Princess Diana is still big business. She's been dead for over a decade now, and yet newspapers are still full of chatter about her, creepy commemorative death-plates are still being sold on eBay and this year there was even a concert to keep her ghost happy or something.
The one-off Diana charity gig offered a lot of performers the chance to turn up and pretend they cared about the cause – like Kanye West. We don’t think that he would dropped his best porcelain tea cup set at the news of her death in August 1997. Still the gig went ahead and provided us with plenty of laughs when the camera cut to members of the Royal Family trying to pull out the best disco moves, or when the random bands that performed tried to make some sort of dodgy excuse about what the Princess meant to them.
So ten years on, people are still bickering about who actually killed Diana and Dodi. Conspiracy theorists around the world wet themselves on a daily basis as they spawn multiple excuses. Did the Queen don her best camouflage gear and set out to kill them on some sort of sniper mission? Did the couple actually die but actually pay people to die for them so they could go and live on a magical island with Elvis and all the aliens from Roswell? Or did the driver just get pissed and lose control of the car?
At the ongoing Diana inquest, evidence has emerged that the Duke of Edinburgh and Diana were in communication via letter. This may not seem that exciting, but it does go some way of pissing on Mohamed Al Fayed’s theory that the Duke wanted her dead. As the BBC reports, one of the letters written by him from 1992 said:
"If invited, I will always do my utmost to help you and Charles to the best of my ability, but I am quite ready to concede that I have no talents as a marriage counsellor!!!"
Diana replied with:
“Dearest Pa, I was particularly touched by your most recent letter which proved to me, if I didn't already know it, that you really do care. You are very modest about your marriage guidance skills and I disagree with you. This latest letter of yours showed great understanding and tact and I hope to be able to draw on your advice in the months ahead."
Unless he was the world’s greatest killer who coaxed his victim in to a false sense of security for over five years, Prince Phillip might not be the murdery old bugger some people thought he might be. With this theory of death by Royal Family order seemingly blown away, we can turn to the mystery of who keeps on stealing our bloody milk every morning.
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dave says
quote “It’s almost like some sort of bad film script.”
please..please..don’t tempt fate, the prospect of gouging out my eyes and deafening myself to avoid this is not something i welcome (although i’m not ruling it out if such a film were ever made)