Sometimes it's obvious to find a solution for a problem that has been bugging you for ages.
Sick of getting a nasty shock all over your body? Removing your fingers from the plug socket will always be a solution to stop that problem.
One eternal issue that has plagued the world for centuries has been war. People have been shoving sticks in to each other, burning down castles and dropping bombs on rival countries. It doesn't look set to stop any time soon as Batman, The Pope and Bono can't find a solution. But one dizzy American can. Not Hilary Clinton, but another called Paris Hilton.
we're going to have to stop slagging off Paris Hilton. Soon, we might not be able to keep up with her ever-expanding career portfolio. Music fans around the world were delighted when Paris decided to launch a fully-fledged singing career. Combined with promo videos to make the wonk-eyed blonde look attractive, it failed to help shift copies of her totally gash album.
Bollocks to the singing lark then. Perhaps Paris could make a comeback as a fully-fledged porn star. Perverts from across the world have been treated to what can only be described as a bobble-headed nightvision frolicking. And thanks to the wonders of file-sharing, the antics of a younger, blonder and still stupid Paris Hilton can still be found on the internet.
Subsequently, Paris has had a lot of people fall out with her about her cock-munching shenanigans. So, she needed to launch a self indulgent TV show where she could search for a new BFF. That's Best Friend Forever for anyone over the mental age of 12. Apart from attracting a lot of wannabe TV stars, she didn't really find a sidekick to call her friend to clean up after her in the street.
Now it seems that Paris has turned for another niche in the market to inflict her genius upon us all. After carefully monitoring the situation between Gaza and Palestine and the strained nuclear missile crisis relations between North Korea and America, Paris has thrown her opinion into the ring.
If only we had done this before it popped into the brain of Paris Hilton. World War II could have been over in a few months, Anne Frank would have been able to keep on writing diaries and the Vietnam War wouldn't have happened. According to Now Magazine, Paris Hilton said:
?I would definitely try to make peace with the countries we are fighting. I'd go over to them and throw a party, so they could all get together and get along and stop the war.?
A party! That's what we need everyone! A big party so we can hug each other awkwardly and console our differences over a glass of fruit punch whilst midgets bring trays of pineapple on sticks around for everyone.
If only Winston Churchill had thought of doing that with Hitler. If he'd launched a conga line of peace across Europe, then it could have stopped the trail of death and destruction left by English and German bombers. And it would have meant that Pearl Harbour would have never been greenlit. It’s clear we need Paris Hilton more than ever.
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Julian Mentat says
I’d never have thought of that; but then, I could never afford to rent a party venue capable of holding 20 million people.
Bobby James says
Paris Hilton can have a party in my pants!
Sean Mac says
You see! and people think she`s just a skinny brain dead twat!
Well screw them!