So. You’re Paris Hilton. Wait, wait, take that man’s penis out of your mouth, we haven’t finished yet.
OK, you’re Paris Hilton. You’ve just been arrested and charged with felony cocaine possession after a police officer found a bag of drugs in your handbag. Luckily you have a cast-iron excuse – the bag isn’t yours. A friend lent it to you and, even though it contains some of your belongings, it’s not your bag and you had no idea that there was any cocaine in it whatsoever. And that, Paris Hilton, is your one-way ticket to freedom. You’re a genius.
Unless, of course, you’d taken a picture of something that looks identical to the offending handbag in July and posted it on Twitter along with the caption “Love My New Chanel Purse I got Today.:)”. Because that would sort of make you a colossal dimwit, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t it, Paris Hilton? You dimwit.
The main question surrounding Paris Hilton’s recent drug arrest isn’t ‘Is Paris Hilton guilty?’ but ‘Is Paris Hilton really that stupid?’, and rightly so. After all, the main thrust of her defence seems to be that a) the handbag she was holding wasn’t hers, and that b) she thought that the bag of cocaine inside the handbag was actually a packet of chewing gum. So is it true? Can Paris Hilton really be that stupid?
The answer is no. She can’t be that stupid. Because it actually looks like she’s much, much stupider than that. She’s so stupid that her stupidness can’t be measured in reasonable human terms. To get an accurate gauge of Paris Hilton’s stupidness, you’d need NASA to divert all of its resources into a building a cutting-edge, space age Stupidness Observation Tower on the moon just to capture the outright vastness of her galactic moronitude.
Why? Because all the while that Paris Hilton was telling the police that the Chanel handbag wasn’t hers, she appears to have forgotten that she tweeted this on July 15 this year…
And lord knows that the Twitter detectives have seized upon this with all of their might, leaving Paris messages like:
Did the bag come with cocaine?
And:
What the hell is wrong with your thumb?
But it’s not an open and shut case yet. Some sources claim that Paris Hilton bought the bag, then gave it to her friend as a gift, and then borrowed it back. Also, there’s a chance that she’ll refine her defence or, better yet, have the charges thrown out because of the supposedly illegal nature of the search carried out by the police officers. So this picture is by no means evidence that Paris Hilton is guilty.
But it probably is evidence that Paris Hilton is a numbskull. Obviously.
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:^) says
oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive…..will any judge in their right mind believe this daft woman’s excuses? She should probably just leave the country now a la Roman Polanski. At least there will be a Hilton hotel for her to stay in no matter where she decides to emigrate to. welcome back heritage.
David Reynolds says
I wouldn’t be so hard on Paris if I were you, although I think she IS stupid. There is no such word as stupidness, the accepted word is stupidity. Start reading, dude; it can only help you.
Jim says
When she leaves the country can she please take Alex Baldwin with her?
Felicity says
So she got caught out, so would most people I guess. We are all so quick to judge but has anyone actually thought what it would be like to be in her position? I just read a great article at http://webypedia.net/blog/paris-hilton-psychology-of-a-celebrity/ which gives a good insight into the life of moseone in that position.