Greek-loving, best friend cut-offing, one time goat-owning, rich dad-having, death threat-defying Hollywood socialite Paris Hilton is a part time defender of all that is just and true. Or so we’re told.
She’s just like a less chaste version of famed/maybe not-so-famed literary boy detective Encyclopedia Brown, all problem solving and whatnot.
When it comes to truth, justice and the American way, Paris Hilton (DVDs) can always be relied upon to defeat evil. Her super-enhanced eavesdropping skills at a late 2004 Hollywood party are currently being used in a preliminary against Darnell Riley.
And what weird crime is Riley being accused of, you ask? None other than burglary, robbery,
carjacking, kidnapping and attempted-extortion. Also, he’s extremely
ugly, smells like a dank must, and loves stapling photocopies of his
buttocks to wooden lightposts near highly utilised crosswalks.
hecklerspray has little to no evidence backing up that last sentence,
but all the others are extremely true.
On January 22, 2004 Joe Francis – producer of the Girls Gone Wild
series – arrived at his home to find two masked man expecting him. The
two men allegedly held Francis at gunpoint, making him perform
unspecific lewd acts on himself while the whole thing was recorded on
tape. On the recording Riley can be heard saying "I’m going to put
this on the Internet and make money."
The intruders then reportedly forced 32-year-old Francis into his Bentley – hands tied and mouth duct-taped – and
drove to a spot close to Sunset Boulevard, where Francis freed himself
after his captors abandoned the car. Riley then called Francis several
times over the next four days asking for anywhere from $300,000-$500,000
in exchange for the humiliating tape.
The case went unsolved for sometime, until Paris Hilton busted out
her diamond-studded gold magnifying glass and bubblegum pink Sherlock
Holmes hat. She had been dating Francis at one point, and overheard a
conversation at a party indicating who’d been involved in his home
invasion. The police used Paris’ information to track down the twisted
offenders.
In court Francis testified that Hilton had also told him "I’m being
extorted by Darnell Riley for $20,000 a month and he’s threatened to
kill me if I don’t pay".
That Paris, she may not be that good at pet dog, monkey and goat
care, but she handles evil masterminds just right. The trick is you
gotta stick their nose in it.
Read more:
Paris Hilton received death threats – BreakingNews
[story by Shawn Lindseth]
Lauren says
Another excellent act of good by Paris! (I’m NOT being sarcastic!)