Our breakfast toast this morning was slightly overdone so we tried to compensate by putting jelly on both sides. The results were surprisingly sticky.
We’re just throwing that out there in case the Drudge Report, E! Online or the National Enquirer want to run with it as a headline. Not interested? Perhaps they would be if they knew we used two different jelly flavours – one of them mint. Also we unconventionally spread it on there with the back of a spoon.
Still nobody interested? Its free you know – we don’t want a cut or anything. Just take the story. You could use the headline hecklerspray double jellies its morning toast with spoon from filthy sink pile.
That’d be far more interesting than the story most of them are running about the Paris Hilton/Benji Madden break-up. C’mon you websites – think of the increased internet traffic!
Good news for anybody who’s longed to date either a helium-filled heiress or a semi-famous guitarist who looks like he sweats a lot. Paris Hilton and Benji Madden have split. Our sources tell us its because Paris finally realised why her boyfriend’s lips were covered in fur the night ‘coyotes’ ate her dogs a few months back.
Our source also tells us the two have already moved on. Benji is dating a young woman in line to inherit several Red Roof Inns, and Paris is in a very real relationship with a Burger King grease trap. That second one even comes with baby rumours.
Us Magazine has a slightly different account of things:
“Paris Hilton and Benji Madden called it quits Tuesday after nine months of dating, a rep for Hilton confirms exclusively to Usmagazine.com. “Even though they are still in love, they felt it would be better to just be friends,” a source close to Hilton, 27, tells Us. The reason for the split? “Benji was overprotective and controlling. He doesn’t get along with any of her friends,” the source tells Us. “Friends thought Paris had changed since being with Benji and she wants to be herself again.””
That plus Paris had always thought she was dating the bassist from Green Day. When she learned the truth she was done with the lie. Probably.
With her new-found spare time we bet ol’ PH will start working more on her coyote home-defence system. What seems to keep the beasts the most at bay so far is songs about best friends, and the projected image of all five The Simple Life seasons filling the entire south wall of her mansion.
As for Benji, who is best known for being named after a dog from the seventies, well we don’t know what he’ll do. Just please nobody let him console himself with a guitar. No need to bring down everybody, fella.