Premieres for big blockbusters usually take place in cinemas with names like ODEON, CINEWORLD, GRAUMAN’S or BOGNOR REGIS CINEMASCOPE but it seems that the makers of Paranormal Activity are positively itching to associate their horrifying, overdone claptrap with Channel 5’s flagship horrifying, overdone claptrap.
And, as such, the premiere of Paranormal Activity III took place in front of a star-studded audience inside the Big Brother compound proving once and for all that crossover episodes are never as realistic as you hope.
It had been expected that Channel 5 would take the opportunity of having a scary film playing in the compound to systematically murder all of the housemates and celebrities who were assembled inside and the world (100 people whose remotes were broken) watched on with bated breath, waiting for the axe-murderer to be released into the house.
Unfortunately the reality was much less interesting (much like Big Brother, in fact). In fact no actual celebrities turned up to the event, leaving the organisers to sift through the dregs of the Z-List. People who were willing to coo about how good the inevitably terrible film was in order to get ?50 from the poor bastards doing PR for yet another shark-jumping horror sequel.
On that subject, we did make the slightly erroneous claim that the premiere was ‘star-studded’ but perhaps a ‘diamant? vajazzled’ audience would be a more accurate term. Well-known Jordan lookalike?Katie Price (the one with the tits that she hates us mentioning),?Dane Bowers (of ‘sexing Katie Price’ fame), Ironik (the least ironic man alive) and?Michelle Heaton (nope, no idea) were among?the great washed-up to enter the compound in the pursuit of enough money to buy a loaf of bread and some crack.
Of course, it’s yet another premiere that hecklerspray wasn’t invited to despite us finally meeting the criteria that many of our commenters lay down for us. “What have you ever achieved?” We would argue that we’ve achieved more than Dane Bowers and yet here we are picking the mould off the bottom of our tea cups while he has an awkward conversation with Katie Price about male ejaculate over some plastic nachos.
We can’t win.
The third instalment of the horror franchise is set 18 years before the first film, and is directed by the people who made Catfish, a film that is almost as awful as Paranormal Activity III is bound to be.
Robert B says
Proof that bad “directors” stay “bad” and that you can trick anyone to come to a movie no matter how bad if you advertise enough. This movie is simply an insult to anyone’s intelligence over 11 years old.