Some mornings, I wake up and the sun seems to be shining extra bright. Today was one of those mornings thanks to the news that Orlando Bloom tried to do what the rest of the world has wanted to for years- he attempted to knock Justin Bieber the hell out.
Of course, this was a fight just waiting to happen since the rumors began a couple of years ago that Bloom’s ex wife slept with the overgrown toddler. I am just sad to hear Bieber didn’t get knocked out.
A bunch of celebrities are in Ibiza currently, and decided to all congregate to the same restaurant, Cipriani, for dinner last night. One of these celebrities was Orlando Bloom, who I am sure was hoping to enjoy his gnocchi and merlot in peace. But then the scent of douchebag became quite pungent, and when Orlando looked up, he realized the smell was wafting over from Justin Bieber entering the eatery.
Rumor has it that back in 2012, Bieber took his acne ridden ass and macked it to fellow infant faced beauty, Miranda Kerr. Kerr at the time was married to Orlando Bloom, which means if it did happen, Kerr seriously dropped her standards for an evening. The incident in question is allegedly one of the major reasons Bloom and Kerr called it quits, which I don’t blame Orlando for.
Earlier this year, in what I can only imagine was completely intentional, Bloom was seen hanging out with Selena Gomez during one of her 294728 break ups from Justin. So you absolutely know he hit that in retaliation, which gives Orlando- 1, Miranda- 0.
Apparently, sleeping with Bieber’s on/off idiot girlfriend wasn’t enough to get past the knowledge that Justin’s 3 pubes touched his wife, so when Justin showed up to the restaurant, Bloom was ticked off.
“Justin was being cordial, and everything was fine. But then Orlando was annoyed when he saw it was Justin and instigated by taking a swing at Justin. Justin ducked, and Orlando’s punch missed. People intervened, some minor pushing, then they were separated. Justin stayed for a while after.”
Obviously, this source is a lying sack of shit because I cannot believe Justin Bieber has any idea what it is like to be cordial. After Bloom’s missed swing, once he was safely protected by a ton of bodyguards of course, Justin also yelled “What’s up, bitch?” like the man he is. But as more proof that sometimes the world is right, the entire restaurant put their hands together and clapped like they were bringing back a dead fairy as Justin left Cibriani. There is video of right after the swing, and of Justin leaving.
Justin later posted this picture on his Instagram, before quickly deleting it when he realized he may not be so lucky the next time an actual man throws a punch at his delicate lesbian face.