Such is the world we live in today that when you quiz a group of children about Jordan, they won't know any facts about the country.
Instead, they?ll spout endless facts about Jordan the model with pinpoint accuracy; which might have something to do with the fact that she won’t stop banging on about herself.
In the 31 years that Jordan/Katie Price has been on the planet, she's done many things. Slept with footballers, posed topless in magazines, had a baby, took the virginity of a rubbish popstar, gone on the jungle show, married another yet another rubbish popstar, had some more kids, divorced the popstar and met a cage fighter. Jesus, you don't need multiple autobiographies to explain that do you? Apparently so if you're Jordan – she's onto her fourth.
With Christmas looming, many famous people gear up the festive season by whoring out personal stories about themselves. Things are getting so ridiculous that Colonel Sanders will probably bring out his own cookbook, Michael Jackson will document his time in hell and some loser from Big Brother will write about their time in the house. And then there’s Jordan, whose life is so action-packed that she needs to write a brand-new autobiography every fortnight or so.
Because we are semi-intelligent people, we haven't read any of the books released by Jordan. However, we've been informed that her forthcoming autobiography will talk about the heartache caused by splitting up with Peter Andre. Presumably, the third instalment of her book ended by saying something like this. ?And me and Peter got married in a big castle and went to live happily ever after forever and ever. The end.?
Even though you can sum up what happened between the couple by cutting out multiple newspaper and magazine articles, that doesn't matter to Jordan. She wants to let people inside her life so they can see how emotionally damaged she is. Sadly big bosses at book shops don't want us to spend our money on fragile and damaged women. A source at Jordan?s publishing company told The Sun:
?Bookshop managers are really worried. They fear this latest book could do more harm than good for business and are seriously considering shunning it altogether. Booksellers do not want to annoy their customers by putting out yet another autobiography from the same person who has already had three printed.?
Bloody heck, that's a bit of a pain isn't it? Just like King Kong destroying New York, some individuals fear she could ruin entire businesses with books full of pictures and words of spite directed towards Peter Andre. Speaking of Peter Andre, it would be rubbish for him to release a book documenting their split wouldn't it? Guess what! The Sun reports:
?Andre is preparing to launch his autobiography in time for the lucrative festive season.?
Bugger, that probably means Jordan will have to do with a Kinder Egg and a bottle of Ribena for Christmas dinner. Never mind, we all know that the book would be so devoid of detail that despite it being over three hundred pages long, it would only have two words per page on it.
magnetite says
Did you ever get the feeling that their were a fleet of rockets leaving this doomed rock soon; and even people like Jordan are, despite their wealth, having to save up yet more for an economy-class ticket on the RyanAir rocket?
Practicaly Nothing else could explain this grasping mantle they wear, unless the price of Mermaid’s tears on toast and Unicorn horn in aspic have gone up. Again.
(If it’s the Scientologists, I’m staying here and going out like Montalb
JoeMomma says
Personally I don’t understand the point of ‘Celebrity Biographies’. Most of these books end up in the bargain bin. I got a gift of the Jim Carry biography for some unknown reason, never could stomach the thought of reading it. It’s now tucked away in a box that I want to bring to a used book store.
On another note, as much as I love Hecklerspray I really find myself asking “Who the hell is that?” at about 50% of the articles. Sadly someone does.
Wembly Fraggle says
It took George Burns over 100 years to get around to releasing his autobiography. This pneumatic moron has already ‘written’ three times that in less than a third of the time.
What’s this new one going to be called? ‘Fings What I Done Last Year’ to be followed in the New Year by ‘Fings What I Done in the Last Few Monfs’? How about an annual release called ‘Old Whore’s Almanac’ or maybe ‘Bigtit Jones’s Diary’?