Nobody Has A Clue Who Teri Hatcher Is

"Gee gosh-whizz" cried Teri Hatcher upon discovering her stolen credit card had been used to finance a bloody civil war in the Ukraine, "nobody knows who the fudge I am!" Guess her agent’s got a busy month ahead.

Not much in her day and now about as worthwhile as low-fat peanut butter, Teri Hatcher is one of TV’s Desperate Housewives. An entirely essential show for anyone who readily believes rich people would choose to live in the backlot of a movie studio.

Possibly the flimsiest of the housewives, and definitely the least talented (really though, Felicity Huffman is the only one who can act), poor Teri Hatcher was recently the victim of a most heinous crime. She had her credit card stolen and the thieves ran up a bill of $12,000 on their spending spree. They weren’t even the real criminals though; the real criminals were the shop assistant freaks who let the stolen card pass through their hands unnoticed. Not one of them recognised her beautiful famous name.

Teri Hatcher grumbled:

“In the 90 times they used the card, nobody ever said, 'Teri Hatcher? Hmm…”

C’mon, Teri Hatcher is in her early sixties, scrawny and hasn’t sported a beard and tattoos since high school. Could they not see? Surely somebody could have put two and two together?! Nope.

“I was freaked out that could happen.”

Teri Hatcher has done some freaky stuff of her own in the past - written a book on helping people to be more like her, broken her eye with a light fixture and never had sex with men in vans - but if she is truly serious about folk worshipping her name like that extra gherkin in a Big Mac, she could always try, try, becoming a credible actress. Though that would require auditioning for parts that require more than looking startled and grizzling.

Again, pity her agent.

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