Nicole Scherzinger not only has a surname that’s really annoying to type out because it’s both long and tricky, but she’s also determined to break poor little Lewis Hamilton’s 8 year old motor racing heart.
Why? She’s refusing to marry him. Refusing point blank and in public. What a nasty, nasty piece of work the X Factor USA judge is.
With the whole world willing the pair down the aisle with a collective unbridled love and devotion, dedicated to this truly magnificent celebrity pair (where would we be without their combined vrooming and skreeching noises?), they have thrown our feelings back in our faces, leaving us to cry into our steam-cleaned wedding hats.
The heartless Pussycat Doll went to her decade old computer, got the modem working and slowly tapped out a message with one finger and her tongue hanging out on twitter:
?Lewis and I woke up this morning and read we were engaged! Sorry to disappoint u all but its not true :)’
Note the callous, mocking, smiling emoticon used in the sign off. Nicole Shirtynougat is actively getting off on our combined sorrow.
What a cruel, cruel woman she is. Christ knows how Lewis Hamilton will be feeling about it all. There’s a good chance he’ll end up crying while racing his car, tears filling his helmet, leaving him to crash into a concrete barrier at 200mph.
That’ll probably be greeted by Nicole Shredzammo on twitter with a ‘:P‘ emoticon.
Even Schnappszingerburger’s father hasn’t been spared of the misery. He was gleefully telling the world’s press all about the thrill of this wedding.
Nicole Slappenbingo’s daddio, Alfonso Valiente, said:
?You know about the proposal? Yes they are engaged! My future son-in-law is a really nice guy, really down to earth. My family all like him. The good spirit is there.’
Come Alfonso, join us as we weep openly on street corners and try to learn how to spell your daughter’s name so we can daub it onto crude banners proclaiming our sudden hatred of her.
THE HEARTLESS BAG!
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xavier says
nicole i want to fuck you up the ass and llicke you in the ass and taste your delicios ass
Jj says
Who’s Nicole?