One oft-neglected side-effect of giving birth is the overwhelming desire to star in overtly showy prohibition-era Broadway musicals.
Just look at Nicole Richie, for example. For some logic-defying reason, she's currently weighing up an offer to star as Roxie Hart in the Broadway version of Chicago.
It'd be awfully presumptuous of us to try and second-guess what issues Nicole Richie is weighing up exactly, but we're willing to bet that they include rehearsal schedules, being able to spend time with her new baby and the fact that if she was any less talented at anything other than forgetting to eat she'd be legally reclassified as vegetation.
We might be stretching it a bit here, but it looks a lot like Nicole Richie has the beginnings of a Brooke Shields infatuation. Look at the evidence – Brooke Shields had a baby and Nicole Richie had a baby. Brooke Shields infuriated Tom Cruise and Nicole Richie infuriated Tom Cruise by driving backwards up a motorway and not crashing, thereby depriving him of being in a situation that only he can handle. And, crucially, Brooke Shields has been in Chicago.
Actually, come to think of it, that's a rubbish excuse for an infatuation. That'd be like suggesting that Nicole Richie had an infatuation for Kelly Osbourne or Claire Sweeney, when everyone knows that the closest anyone's ever come to being infatuated with Claire Sweeney is her own mother, and even then things peaked with mild, distant affection.
Anyway, we're missing our own point here. Our point is that Nicole Richie – a woman with no discernible skills other than being quite skinny and driving like a drug-addled bastard – is apparently entertaining the idea of starring in Chicago. The Daily Dish reports:
Reality TV star Nicole Richie reportedly is set to relaunch her post-pregnancy career by taking to the Broadway stage and starring in the hit musical "Chicago." Richie, who gave birth to daughter Harlow last month, is tipped to follow in the footsteps of Ashlee Simpson, Brooke Shields and Renee Zellweger as the latest big name Roxie Hart in the show… An insider tells Us Weekly magazine, "Nicole's definitely interested and is weighing it out."
Weird to think that the Chicago producers want to cast Nicole Richie when there are other young women with more music and acting experience out there. We're basically talking about Paris Hilton.
But let's not dismiss Nicole Richie's Chicago role before she's even accepted it. Needless to say the role of Roxie Hart will need to be subtly recalibrated to suit Nicole Richie's strengths – but so long as the audience accepts a Roxie Hart who, rather than being a calculating convict responsible for belting out showstoppers like All That Jazz and Funny Honey, is a scrawny fool who bumbles about and sings a song called OMG, Paris Is Such A Bitch, we're sure Nicole will do fine.
And if not she can always get a role as a prison cell bar.
Read more: