Nicole Kidman, of who it’s long been known hates all cultures except that one from wherever she’s from (we think its Iceland), absolutely hates everything about Australia.
She hates Australia’s Outback, she hates Australia’s kangaroos, and perhaps most perplexing of all, she only has nice things to say about the country’s gaping ozone hole. THAT THING IS KILLING PEOPLE, NICOLE!
The final alleged anti-Australian blow that Kidman’s PR people should really get on is the way she hates Aborigines and all they stand for – especially their musical instruments that are sacredly reserved for the lips of men, but that she likes to puff on anyway.
Australia’s native Aboriginal population is full of wonderful people with ancestral roots dating back to ancient Mesopotamia – once a suburb of modern day Sydney. Long have they enjoyed a fertile climate generous enough to supply edible vegetation and ample space to film Crocodile Dundee movies.
Another thing they enjoy are wind instruments or, more specifically as it applies to this story, the didgeridoo. The didge, as it’s commonly called, is made from the branches of a gumtree. You blow in the smaller end and a large vibrational sound is emitted.
Sure, this sounds nice – but that’s just because you don’t yet know the frequency emitted is the exact one that can clog a woman’s baby parts if she’s the one huffing into the smaller end. This is an actual aboriginal belief, more or less. But Nicole Kidman doesn’t care – why should she fear anything to come out of such a stupid country, right?
Her thoughts, not ours. Plus, worst case scenario all she’d have to do is jump in that one lake again.
The Telegraph has specifics on the didgeridoo matter:
“Nicole Kidman has angered indigenous Australians by attempting to play a didgeridoo while promoting her new film Australia on a German television programme. The stunt flouts an Aboriginal custom that dictates women are forbidden to play the instrument. Kidman made the faux pas on the weekend during Wetten Das…? a popular chat show”
Well this obvious flaunting of something held in high regard by so many people doesn’t surprise us when it comes to Kidman. Not after what we’ve previously heard. For instance it wasn’t long ago someone told us they saw her poop on a Nordic war-hammer. This may not sound bad to some – but in Nordia those things are usually kept on sacred alters.
See? That’s what we mean – this doesn’t surprise us at all.
Lohantastic says
You have totally missed the point of this story, which is that after injecting all of the botox in the world into her face, it’s amazing Nicole is able to move her virtually-mummified lips enough to get them round the didgeridoo’s mouthpiece.
LOVE says
I have news for you, only God rules in this universe and God is LOVE not hate! You need to get with the program!
What the!! says
wtf… go get facts STRAIGHT!! she was on a german show the whole interveiw was difficult for everyone she only had a interpreter in her ear she also did not know about the taboo and has given a quote… so nicole kidman hates everything about australia then why would she make a movie about australia… so where are you from probly could not find australia on a map
HT says
Pahahahaha! Good God, where do you people come from, with your “love” and “facts”? Honestly.
Joseph says
Are you stupid? She’s AUSTRALIAN, not ICELANDIC.
bob says
Really…honestly you guys have no idea this is a website that spoofs or satires whats in the mainstream media…take it as fact and real news coverage….do you? OMG the world is doomed…
DOOMED
@Joseph er..your a complete idiot…or not if your just playing along. But if you take this article literal…kill yourself now.
richard green says
I never once cursed Nicole, i wish her many more children.
As for being more white than black, i was what the doctor ordered.
I didn’t learn my grandmothers tongue to spit curses, just the sort of rhetoric you can expect from ignorant human being.
For goodness sakes i like some of her movies, i just prefer Cate Blanchet as an actor.
Richard green