When Nicki Minaj released the most demure and glamorous cover art ever for her single, Anaconda, I automatically assumed that the accompanying video would also be the picture of grace and class. However, I was not prepared for what I watched today.
The amount of ass that is in this video (not just Nicki’s!) makes even the beach episodes of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” look like fucking garbage. Just when you think you’ve had all the ass you can handle BAM! There’s more ass! Oh, and Drake is there, too, because why the fuck not?
Before I get started, you all need to take 10 minutes (five to watch the video and five to get your bearings back) and take in the perfect insanity that is Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda”:
I won’t lie: I have watched this video seven times today, and after the fifth I even started to like the song. Sure Nicki’s voice is like nails on a fucking chalkboard, but after five listens it’s really not so bad. Kind of like how getting the clap isn’t so bad because, hey, it’s not herpes!
So, after my 7th watch, I decided to share this gem on Facebook so everyone could feel the ass joy that I was feeling. My friend, Staci, commented on it, saying:
A) drake doesn’t mind
B) I feel like she shouldn’t be allowed to sing about this as her ass is fake
C) what the hell did I just watch
I feel like that basically sums the entire thing up perfectly.
Nicki Minaj has compared her relationship with Drake to that of a brother and a sister. Clearly homegirl read V.C. Andrews’ “Flowers in the Attic” one too many fucking times if she thinks that’s how you act with your brother. But no, Drake sure as hell doesn’t mind.
As much as I enjoy the video because of all the ass, I do agree with Staci on her second point: Nicki Minaj is singing a song all about having a fat ass and how guys love it and skinny bitches with no asses can fuck off, yadda yadda yadda, but bitch legit bought her ass and titties.
I mean, bitch PUH-LEEEEEZ. You can’t be rapping about being well fed and having this amazing ass and how bitches without booties can fuck off when your ass ain’t even real!
However, I guess I can’t except much better from Nicki Minaj since homegirl is delusional AS FUCK. She thinks she’s more successful than Mariah Carey and that she’s like the first influential female rappy (apparently she’s never heard of Lil’ Kim, Foxy Brown, Missy Elliot, Da Brat, Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes, Salt N Pepa, just to name a few). She legit probably thinks her ass is real now since she’s had for so long (once you’ve had plastic surgery for so long it doesn’t count anymore, right? That’s just how you naturally look?)
However, there are a lot of nice asses in the video and even though it’s fake, Nicki’s butt does look good, and the whole thing is just the right about of ridiculous that I love it and will probably watch it like five more times before I go to bed tonight because, I mean, fuck it, right?