In true Robin Hood spirit, Ridley Scott has taken ?237million from various rich people to make a very poor movie.
Robin Hood? More like Rotten Hood.
Rotten acting, rotten script, rotten idea, very rotten accents.
In fact, Robin Hood is so bad, I have to confess I did something in a cinema that I have not done for a very long time. No, not that! Or that! And that's just sick! No, I am talking about falling asleep. Yep, while Russell Crowe was busy cutting chunks out of British history, I was happily snoring away and was only awoken by some French woman angrily jabbing me in the chest with one of her Gitanes. In fact, I missed about 45 minutes, which, for all I know, could have been the most gripping three-quarters of an hour of cinema ever made.
But going on the murderous, bum-numbing 18 hours (it felt that long) I did see, I am pretty sure I did not miss anything. I even did a quick straw poll of people who managed to stay awake and the most flattering opinion was that ?you might enjoy it if you were 10?. And that just about sums it up.
So what's the story? Well, clearly not happy with the popular folklore surrounding the hooded man, Scott instead constructs a completely unnecessary back story, presumably with the sole intention of squeezing as much cash out of the project as possible by making a sequel almost inevitable. It begins with archer Robin Longstride (Crowe) on campaign with Richard the Lionheart in France. When King Dick is killed, Robin delivers the dead king?s crown to his brother John back in England.
But on his way back, he discovers nobleman Robert Loxley, who is dying after being betrayed by another English noble, Godfrey (Mark Strong), who is in cahoots with the French. He promises to return his sword back to Loxley?s dad (Max Von Sydow) in Nottingham, but also assumes his identity.
When he returns, England is on the brink of civil war and his widow, Lady Marian (Cate Blanchett), is having a few issues with the Sheriff of Nottingham and some local, wild orphans. She agrees to play along, mainly to protect her estate from the greedy King John, but also, presumably, because she likes a bit of rough.
Lots of preposterous battle scenes later and we end where the story usually starts: Robin Hood declared an outlaw.
What a total waste of time. With the notable exceptions of Von Sydow and Mark Addy (Friar Tuck), the acting is as wooden as Sherwood Forest, which is surprising knowing how good Blanchett and Crowe usually are. But it's the accents which really steal the show. Blanchett does her best at a Nottingham accent, but Crowe cannot seem to make his mind up which part of the British Isles Robin Hood is actually from. In fact, he mumbles so much, I found myself relying on the French subtitles to get some sense of what he was actually saying.
All in all, Robin Hood totally misses the target.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter
halo says
The screenplay was so bad Sienna Miller found a reason NOT to be in it.
Shockingly enough, I am now convinced Sienna Miller is working more than 12 brain cell at a time, which makes her a whole 6 smarter than Ridley Scott (who let’s face it career = ovah!)
3 ahead of Crowe (Irish what Irish???? Ok NOT an Irish accent. More like a drunken Aussie wanker DESPERATELY trying for an English accent and failing miserably somewhere between Glasgow and Donegal)
Who knew Sienna Miller was that smart?
robin hood says
Ironically, whereas I seemed to be the only person dreading this movie (I’m not a Ridley fan), I now appear to be the only one who really enjoyed it. My own review can be read on the web link privided. (Click on name).
Asrj says
the script is soo poor and the action sequences were not as you would expect from a ridley scott movie..Russel crowe did not impress one bit and when you leave the cinema hall after the movie and if someone asks you as to which movie you just watched you will go blank..Robin hood is forgettable….
stella says
Whose idea was it to cast a fat-hog-arse faced beer barrel as a romantic hero? I wonder if Robin Hood’s ghost is going to haunt them in revenge for profanating his memory. Russell Crow just isn’t the hero type — lousy gladiator, lousy whatever hero he played before, and now this. He might as well play Marian.
Mind that I haven’t even seen the flick; the trailer was more than enough.