Freddy Krueger’s back – again, sort of, in a new remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street – so whatever you do, don’t fall asleep.
Not because watching one the world’s best-loved child killers back on the big screen may induce some sleepless nights worrying about your own ironic death.
But because debut director Samuel Bayer‘s overwhelmingly pointless ‘re-imagining’ of Wes Craven‘s 1984 original is so predictable and formulaic that you’ll barely be able to keep your eyes open throughout the entire 18 hour duration, or however long the bloody thing went on for.
Now, don't get me wrong, the quality of the script and acting alone is enough to give you sleepless nights, plus the film has enough gore and jumpy moments, or should I say loud noises, to jolt you back awake.
But by the end, even the girl next to me, who was jumpier than a jumping bean at a rave for the first 30 minutes, had stopped moving after becoming steadily desensitised to the annoying frequency of the jumps. I even felt compelled to check she was still alive ? I had little else to do – only to get some funny looks from her doting boyfriend.
Of course, the real problem is Hollywood would not know an original idea if it poked them in the eye with a bladed glove – and it shows. For those of you who don't know the story, it's basically your everyday tale of a group of teenagers who are being killed off one by one in their dreams by a hideously burnt man with a tatty red and green jumper and a glove with blades for fingers.
But just who is he? How come he can kill them in their dreams? What is his problem with Elm Street? And why do the parents look about as convincing as a Gordon Brown grin when
denying all knowledge of him? Anyone who has seen the movies already knows the answers to all these questions. So, like me, you will probably spend the first hour hoping they find out what they need to know as quickly as possible, and the rest of the time wondering whether Wesley Strick‘s decision to tinker slightly with the back story is actually better than the original. It’s not. For the rest, it’s a very average slasher movie.
Of course, the most controversial decision was to hand the famous fedora and glove to Watchmen‘s Jackie Earle Haley. And that is the biggest problem with the film. Robert Englund played Krueger for almost 20 years. His humour and charm was as much a factor in turning Freddy – despite his obvious personality flaws – into a household name as Craven?s creative direction. For all intents and purposes, Englund is Freddy Krueger.
Haley does his best, but throughout the whole film he comes across as just some bloke pretending to be Freddy, but, as a serious thesp, wants to get behind the slightly dodgy mask. He’s like those creepy blokes at work who get dressed up at Halloween parties and get annoyed no one else took it as seriously as they did.
Well, it at least has an 18 certificate, a rarity for horror films these days, and I am sure it will do good business, despite it lacking the charm and creativity of the original. It’s better than the other recent revamp of a much-loved 80s horror classic, Friday The 13th, also produced by Michael Bay, but that’s hardly a ringing endorsement.
It’s time for some new ideas, Hollywood.
You have milked this red and green cash cow dry .
Freddy’s dead. Move on.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter
ashley says
i want to see this movie i am going with my boo chaz on saturday to watch it with him.
Wesley Spikes says
Chaz dose not love you. Hes using you for movies.
Prax says
Just saw the remake. It was good. Not as bad as the critics make out to be. Not as good as the original. Freddy’s new face takes some getting used to. But hes still Freddy. Still spits out one-liners, still messes with his victims a lil before kllling them, still haunts dreams. It was worth watching in the theatre, and will be buying in when it comes out on dvd.
b0o says
As soon as I saw the trailer and listened I knew it was Jackie Earle Haley. I’m a huge Jackie Earle Haley fan.
Once this reviewer became critical of that casting decision (Jackie Earle Haley) I became critical of the reviewer.
So, I will be watching in the theater and I will most likely love it and then buy it on DVD.
Nique says
LMAOO that made me laugh.
Brandon Wilson says
I just finished watching the remake of “A nightmare on elm street” and as an extremely diehard fan I feel its my duty to give my opinion and a detailed explanation about it. First of all id give it a 3 out of 10. Overall i will say that it was actually a decent movie, but the numerous attempts at bringing specific memorable moments from the original to the remake were pathetic at best and ultimately end up as repeated slaps to the face of Wes Craven’s cult classic. I found that the characters were alot different than they should have been, for example: Nancy is a sad, timid, introverted girl. On the other hand the blonde girl who plays the tina character ( tina in the old one, dont know the characters name in the remake) has a strong personality which made me think she should hve played nancy and the other play tina. oh well i was hoping for a johnny depp cameo but wasnt so lucky in the end. I can name every movie that they took scenes feon and in all of them the originals were better, except one, that would be the scene where the blonde chicks boyfriends dies in jail; in the original he (Rod) freddy hangs him in his cell by the bedsheet. the new version is only good though because out of all the teens being butchered its probably the best death scene in the whole film (in the original it would have to have been either Tina being dragged across the ceiling or johhny depp being pulled into the bed. probably tina’s death scene which by the way is awful in the remake.)
Jackie earle haley’s voice in so monotone that it isnt scary and thus RUINS the 2 lines he takes from Robert Englands freddy. The Glove is a bit different, not bad, probably the best thing about this new freddy but still pales in comparison to Robert Englands glove. So ill end this by saying; Its a decent movie but the name is ruined forever
dohjaqueen says
u must not have grown up with freddy…
dohjaqueen says
ok, i also am a die hard fan of FREDDY. so here goes, IT SUCKED.. i really feel bad for WES and ROBERT, to see their characters completely butchered mush have been hard to stomach. HALEY is a poor excuse of FREDDY. his voice sucked, his face was nasty not scary and his body language was way off. i got past that n went to go see it. left no lasting impression as WES’ original did n good scary movies stay for awhile so i decided id give it one more shot because i love FREDDY n bought it. i get more pissed off everyday. i could learn to accept HALEY hoping he would grow into it but they butchered his history. FREDDY IS NOT A PEDOPHILE. n what preschool lets weird guys stay in the basement, u know with lil kids running around. WTF, seriously?! this “remake”, “re-imaging” wtfever they wanna call it was a disaster and an insult to the FANS, WES and ENGLUND.. i can also accept that ENLUND has given up his glove and we have to move on but not WES. DO NOT MAKE ANOTHER FREDDY MOVIE WITHOUT THE HELP OF WES CRAVEN, HE CREATED FREDDY. oh, makes me so mad i could hit something