We haven’t heard very much from Britney Spears lately, have we? What could be the cause for that, then?
Her lack of musical output? The way that her family and management has done its best to keep her personal life out of the limelight? The fact that we’ve all grown so tired of seeing her droopy boobs and knotted hair everywhere we go that we’ve somehow managed to collectively blank her out of our consciousness altogether?
No you idiots, it’s because Britney Spears has been busy designing a collection of clothes for schoolgirls. Now, you shouldn’t judge this news too harshly. Yes, Britney Spears has had her ups and downs in the past, but she’s really designed some fabulous outfits. The puked-stained T-shirt, skinhead wig and total absence of any form of underwear whatsoever are particular favourites.
Chances are you no longer wear that Britney Spears perfume you got for Christmas a couple of years ago. Not because you’ve stopped assigning worth to goods based on their tenuous relationship to a celebrity, but because it simply didn’t smell anything like Britney Spears. It smelt of magnolia and sandalwood, when everyone knows that Britney Spears probably smells like stale smoke, urine and cheesy corn snacks.
So because of this, Britney Spears has had to branch out into new ventures. But what? Making music that doesn’t make her singing voice sound like a robot having a vicious stroke? Don’t be silly, she’s drawn some pictures of some pretty dresses for little girls or something. Reuters reports:
The juniors’ collection, called “Britney for Candie’s,” will be sold exclusively in Kohl’s Department stories from July 1. “Designing was a really fun, new way for me to express my creativity and I really wanted to create something by me for my fans,” Spears said in a statement. She said the collection is a mixture of day and evening looks, ranging from jeans to little black dresses.
Oh, that’s so sweet. Britney Spears still thinks she has fans. That’s adorable.
Actually, now we come to think of it, if Britney really was designing clothes for people who liked her, then why is she dressing little girls? Shouldn’t she be making clothes for one screeching, emotionally unstable homosexual man and nobody else? That’s bad foresight, Britney Spears. We didn’t expect that from you.
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Joe says
You know what the world needs now?.. more trailer park skanks designing your kid’s clothing.
Let’s get a degenerate, alcoholic druggie whose career was launched by masquerading as a young, sex crazed teenager parading around in skimpy, barely there skirts and thigh-high stockings to design clothing for our children. Her only fans are pedophiles and misguided children.
Nice move, Khols. What’s next? Fisher Price’s Lindsey Lohan “My Little Coke Habit” play-sets? (Ages 5-10)
Dee-da says
Brilliant!! You funny Joe
Kitty says
This is all in jest of course. The public is well aware that Brit is more interested in undressing women than in dressing them.
Impulse Magazine says
If I had a daughter, Brittany would be the last person to dress her