Jesus, we know when we're being outdone. Most of the time, it's when an unborn Japanese child severely beats us on FIFA. And we don't mean by using the hand of God in extra time.
And then there’s Morrissey. Somehow, Morrissey is classed as a genius despite still singing songs that an old band of his wrote years ago and releasing solo albums that are properly gash.
Recently, Morrissey has had a bit of problems on the gig scene. He passed out in Swindon and then got twatted in the face with a cup in Liverpool. Surely it's full steam ahead from here, right? Wrong! Continuing his tour to Hamburg, Morrissey got narked off with a fan who dared boo his miserable rant on meat-eaters. And what happened? Find out after the jump!
See what Morrissey did there? What word does Hamburg sound like? Go on, have a quick think about it, we won't rush you. Almost there? Excellent, by now even your child should have answered ‘hamburger’. If they said hammers, then they’re probably dyslexic.
Morrissey, of course, is a vegan type person who doesn't like people chomping on cows or drinking their milk. We don't know what the fuss is personally – have you ever tried to make your own chocolate milk? If it wasn?t for cows producing strawberry, vanilla or chocolate flavours, we?d never get through a working day. According to NME.com, the singer became annoyed after someone mocked his shit joke on hamburgers:
?Morrissey was speaking about how “Hamburgers” should be called “Hamburgists” when the audience member shouted “fuck you” at him.?
Oh Morrissey, you are one crazy carrot-crunching vegan loon. We understand your opinion on us evil meat-eaters, but so buggery. we're as happy as a butcher?s dog who's just found some mouldy sausages behind the freezer when we tuck into a lunchtime sandwich that's oozing with something that's come from an animal.
All we can suggest to the constantly peed-off singer is to assemble an audience made completely out of fruit and vegetables. There they?ll have a wonderful time and no-one will attempt to rebel. Though they?ll stop short of burning a piece of bacon at the steak in vegan anger. It could result in a mini BBQ and cause all sorts of unwanted trouble from savages.
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John says
Hmm the whole milk thing might have something do with the fact that we kill the mother cow’s newborn (if it’s male – males don’t produce), steal the milk that was intended for the calf, and then kill the mother when she stops producing. If that’s OK with you then go right ahead, indulge in your strawberry, vanilla or chocolate flavored milk.
Jim says
“singing songs a band of his wrote years ago”? -HE wrote the songs. Most of Marr’s melodies are changed or left out when he plays these days. And yes, they are genius.
Justin says
Moz needs to stop doling out free tickets to those rowdy cousins of his!
JC says
Check out this uplifting and inspiring video on why people choose vegan: http://veganvideo.org/
Also see Gary Yourofsky: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bagt5L9wXGo
Dominique says
Hmm,
Frankly, Mr Shankley, it seems Mr Laidlow doesn’t know what he’s on about. Whether you like him or not, Morrissey is one of the wittiest wordsmiths in the musical industry. It is a recognised fact that thanks to his texts and Marr’s melodies, The Smiths became the most influential indie band of the eighties and the very first to make it to the top without the support of a major. His solo career may not be as remarkable as the Smith era, but at least he HAS a solo career, still writes his own quality material and is still on the scene today. Not many performers having belonged to notorious pop-rock bands can show as much for themselves. Instead of throwing easy criticism on Moz’s eating habits, which, by the way, is of no interest whatsoever, he ought to go down to the nearest retailer and wisely spend a few quid on such brilliant albums as ” The Queen is Dead, Strangeways here we come, Vauxhall and I, You are the Quarry and last but not the least: Swords. Maybe then, will he be able to get some insight on Moz’s genius and construct intelligent criticism instead of speaking out of his arse.
Until then, lay low Laidlow…
rui says
god. morrisey is probably the single biggest wanker on this planet
Davidxvx says
I think the difference between Mister Laidlaw and Mister Morrissey is that Laidlaw cares what Morrissey rants about, whereas Morrissey will never have any reason to care what Laidlaw rants about.