Montel Quits Show To Explode Teenagers Full-Time

Anyone with personal issues that can only be solved by a level-headed pop-psych Vulcan who looks uncannily like Ben Kingsley will be a little bit upset with this.

Montel Williams is quitting his talk show.

Montel has announced that The Montel Williams Show will come to an end this season, leaving the world's troubled in the capable hands of Dr Phil. Well, capable insomuch that's he's basically just a big shouting bear with alopecia. But you get the idea.

You're only human, so chances are that you define good television by the frequency that it reunites real-life victims of sexual assaults with their attackers, or by how many dangerously anorexic girls it can parade in front of you all sad faced. And if that's the case, you'd better suck up as much of Montel as you can, because he's going away soon, and he won't be coming back.

After 17 years spent listening to the problems of people who think they'll get better help because they're on TV - and 17 years of responding with the same furrowed-brow 'your pain is my pain too' facial expression - Montel Williams has decided to hang up his, um, sofa? His funny little beard? Well, look, Montel is hanging up whatever the thing is that defines his show most. We think it's his sad eyes. Montel's hanging up his sad eyes. Reuters reports:

"The Montel Williams Show" will end its run at the end of this season after 17 years on the air. CBS Television Distribution, the syndicated show's producer and distributor, is offering the compilation series "Best of Montel" for fall, which includes 52 weeks of highlight episodes from the show. "We have been honored to have Montel as a part of our family for the past 17 years, and we're very excited that Montel will live on through these 'best of' episodes," said John Nogawski, president and COO of CBS TV Distribution.

It seems strange that Montel should want to quit his TV show now, when the writers' strike means that it needs all the exploitative, cheaply-made formulaic real-life cack it can get. Far from leaving, Montel should be bumped up to prime time, where all of his guests can expose their frailties and failings to the wider world. At least until Two And A Half Men comes back on TV. Oh Charlie Sheen, will you ever grow up? 

But why now? Why has Montel decided to quit his show now? After all, 17 doesn't seem like a particularly significant number of seasons to go out after. Perhaps Montel Williams is leaving his show to pursue his other interests, like threatening to blow up teenage girls. Or perhaps Montel Williams is no longer able to balance the stress of hosting his own TV show with his ongoing battle with Multiple Sclerosis. Or maybe Montel Williams just got sick of seeing a procession of unhappy attention seekers babble on about themselves relentlessly day in day out for 17 soul-sapping years.

Who can really say which one of these is true (coughthelastonecough). 

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It's A Wrap For Montel - Reuters