Last night’s Billboard Awards Show was?pretty tedious … but, if you stuck with it,?there were a few good moments here and there. Justin Bieber was booed by the audience and didn’t even cry. Nicki Minaj and her giant ass gave Lil’ Wayne a lap dance.?Miguel literally cold-cocked a fan. The dude from A-Ha joined Pitbull and Christina Aguilera on-stage, and he hit that high note in “Take On Me”?(lip synced it, actually, but whatever). And Prince proved that he still rules the school.
The actual awards themselves were predictable, with Taylor Swift winning pretty much everything.?The only one she didn’t snag was the Millenium Award, which went instead to everyone’s favorite?bratty little turd,?Justin Bieber.
#1 Justin Bieber is an artist, guys. Where to begin with that Justin Bieber. He gave two lackluster performances and he kissed Selena backstage, but his best moment came as he collected his Millenium Award and sweet little Justin was booed by that meanie audience. He took it like a man though. And God knows it must be?tough being a 19-year old jillionaire drowning in pot and pussy. Justin also managed to work into his acceptance speech that he?loves his mommy and he loves Jesus Christ,?which is great and all, but?doesn’t do much to distract the world from the fact that he’s a petulant little twat.
Performance-wise, the show pretty much sucked. Kid Rock summed it up with disarming wisdom when he encouraged the live audience to “give it up for people lip syncing under pre-recorded music.”
#2 Taylor Swift is 22 going on 15. After?sexing it up for a little while, Taylor has returned to her tired old cotton-candy-and-bubble-gum self,?giving a truly painful performance of her song “22,” while wearing a sickeningly adorable unicorn t-shirt and shorty-shorts. I think the world at large would benefit if Taylor?spent a weekend hanging?with Ke$ha.
#3 Nicki Minaj nearly?gives Lil’ Wayne another seizure. In rather stark contrast to?Little Miss Swift, Darling Nicki gave a?raunchy performance of “High School” that culminated in her giving Weezy a full-on lap dance. Her ass seriously seems to get bigger by the day. She works it though. She certainly does work it.
#3 Pitbull, Christina Aguilera, and the guy from A-Ha lip sync like champions.?Pitbull and Xtina lip synced their way through an?embarassing performance of?”Feel This Moment,? which was partially saved by?a bizarre special appearance by A-Ha’s Morten Harket?who lip synced a few classic lines from ?Take on Me? with the?original video footage playing on the screen behind him. The moment was possibly lost on some youngsters, but to grizzly old bitches?like me, it was a nice surprise.
#4 Miguel kicks a fan in the head and lands with his crotch in her face. During his performance of “Adorn,” Miguel attempted to leap across the audience to another platform and smashed wang-first into two fans. He played it off pretty well though and actually?kept singing. He must have been wearing a cup.
#5 Prince crushes everyone else. So itty bitty and so fucking cool.
mhsdo1996 says
I don’t know about the rest but Morten Harket did NOT lip sync!!!! If you do not believe me listen to his post-performance interview when they ask him. Also, listen to the original recording and compare to his performance. Totally different. His voice has matured.