Miley Cyrus Says She’s The New Beyonce, Isn’t Even Being Sarcastic

Miley Cyrus love magazineWe’ve all known that Miley likes to indulge in a little ganja every now and again, probably popping the odd molly to pass the time. However, it looks like she’s developed a full-blown meth addiction if she thinks that she’s fit to take Beyonce’s crown. 

Miley’s done some pretty outrageous things in the past year, but talking shit about Beyonce? That’s one step too far, kiddo. In an interview with Love Magazine, a mo-hawked and makeup free Miley talks about how Queen Bey has been ‘out the game’ too long, and talks about ‘all the crap’ that having a baby does to your body, like she has a damn clue. Is this clown’s fifteen minutes up yet?

In the March 2014 issue of the mag, Miley shows off that she seems to have spent the last few months in such a purp-fuelled daze that she completely missed the sold out ‘Mrs Carter’ tour and number one album.

“Beyonce has been a big inspiration to me but she’s been out for such a long time. She’s so talented and I think she’s at the top of the game now but people are always looking for new blood and that’s what I bring to the game now, new blood.”

It’s entirely possible that she spoke to the magazine before ‘Beyonce’ the album dropped, but even before that, Miley never had a chance of measuring up to her. There’s a big difference between being popular and being overexposed. Since when did being new to the industry mean that you’re somehow better than people who have been at it since you were dancing round your bedroom with your barbies?

Beyonce side eye gif

Miley continues to wedge her foot in her mouth by explaining why she thinks she has the tools to take over the music industry.

“I got the total package you know, the curves, the rhythm, and the voice. I’m just the best.”

That’s a real life sentence, that actually came from her mouth, and that’s so not sarcasm or irony. Without trying to drag Miley’s looks into it, since when did she become known for her body? Beyonce literally wrote the book song on being bootylicious. Let’s not even delve in to the ‘rhythm’ and ‘voice’ claims, because they can be swatted down just by posting that infamous VMA’s performance.

beyonce i cant with these basic bitches

This post took longer to write than usual because I keep getting lost down a black hole of ‘Beyonce Being Sassy’ gifs. There are a lot. Anyway, are you ready to truly despair about the state of the world? Miley keeps on going, dragging poor little Blue Ivy in to the mix.

“As Beyoncé grows in motherhood and all the crap it does to your body, it will create a vacuum for fresh young faces to rise up and no one else can properly fill that void right now. I’m the only white female singer that could fill that slot right now and do it right, you know? I’m just the total package, you know? All things must start and end and I hope to have the same success as other icons in the game when my run is over. But for now, my run is just starting.”

The grey sky rumbles with thunder whilst people huddle together at the base of the mountain, waiting expectantly. All of a sudden, they spy Moses descending the mountain carrying three stone tablets. He reels off the ten commandments written on the first two tablets, before setting them aside and holding the third aloft.

“AND FINALLY,” he bellows, “GOD HAS SPOKEN TO ME, AND TOLD ME THAT IN THOUSANDS OF YEARS, THE WORLD SHALL EMBRACE MILEY CYRUS, DAUGHTER OF BILLY RAY, AS THE ONLY FEMALE ON EARTH THAT CAN JIGGLE THEIR ASS AND SING AT THE SAME TIME. IT IS HER DESTINY.”

The thunder ceases and a ray of golden light filters down on to the land where Moses is stood. A honey-sweet voice with a slight Texan accent echoes over the mountains.

“I said no such thing.” Beyonce says, indignantly.

Beyonce embarrased for you

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Comments

  1. Nelani says

    Someone needs to tell this runt that the role of Kanye West has already been cast. What a pretentious little shit.

  2. catalina says

    Miley is delusional. I really don’t understand why people listen or care about her. She is a terrible example for younger generation.