The owner of America’s more terrifyingly uniform teeth, Miley Cyrus, could well be letting Liam Hemsworth into her knicker drawer again. Yes. Staggering news for all concerned, eh? We all thought that they’d split-up, cried over the compilation tapes they’d made each other and self-harmed each other’s names into their foreheads… but they haven’t. But might have.
The poppette has decided to enter a staggeringly pointless and tedious romance merry-go-round which keeps bored dolts guessing with “IS SHE?!”, “NO?”, “YES?”, “NO?”, “ARGH!” as she presumably conducts her business like absolutely anyone on Earth.
But because Miley sang ‘Party In The USA’ and is indulging in some lesbianism for our pleasure, we are legally obliged to take a rudimentary form of interest.
Even though they had absolutely and definitely split up, they had been definitely and absolutely spotted doings some errands in Los Angeles on Saturday. They’re probably not called ‘errands’ in LA. Chores probably have some idiotic post-modern name like Food Sourcing or Bread Enabling.
Anyway, people who are paid to hang around outside her house noted that she’d been inside for a while before leaving to do some really boring things.
We’ll try and sex this up for you.
After spending time romantic time together at Cyrus? house, probably cavorting naked in a football pitch sized bath of adder skins, the impossibly sexy pair leapt from a balcony, doing a perfect pike in mid-air, before landing in the seats of a gold-plated car to set off for an afternoon of high octane sexy errands.
First, jumped into a teleporter and appeared like magic, complete with fly wings after a mix-up in the teleportation process, and bought lunch at Panera Bread in Studio City, where Hemsworth was snapped picking up a bag of food to go.
It is thought that the food they bought was griffin kebabs, skewered onto unicorn horns.
A source, who is probably 80 feet tall, said:
“Miley and Liam kept smiling and seemed to really enjoy their afternoon together.”
“They acted like they had missed each other, kept chatting and seemed to be catching up. They definitely seemed like a couple again.”
They seemed like a couple? This obviously means that they fornicated like farmhands on the bonnet of their hover-car.
Miley once said of this no-mark:
“He really respects me for who I am because coming from Australia, he really didn’t know me as the celebrity I am here. I got to tell him about myself on my own terms and my own way. He had no preconceived notion of who I was supposed to be.”
Because, of course, in Australia, there are only three television sets in existence and one radio which is owned by the Prime Minister.
Next week: Miley Cyrus learns to make orphans fly with the power of her mind whilst still owning inhuman teeth.