Michael Jackson! Sperm Bank! Honky Posterity!!

Writing is hard.  The writers block, cramps and pension plan alone are enough to drive a grown man to drinkin’.  It’s a difficult trade, that’s true, but once in a while - when the moon’s orbit aligns just perfectly with Jupiter’s stormy eye and an entire mountainside is lush with four leaf clovers - something real easy slides across your desk.

Michael Jackson’s kids aren’t his, or so go the recent allegations of his ex-wife and children’s mother Debbie Rowe.  Oh where to begin…

The headline-prone Michael Jackson’s (CDs) ex-wife Debbie Rowe spilled the
dirt on the mighty Jackson’s so-called posterity: Both children, Prince
Michael Jr and Paris are said to be conceived from anonymous sperm
obtained at an unnamed sperm bank.

She says:

"Michael knows the truth - that he is not the natural father of Prince Michael Jr and Paris. He has to come clean. I have no information whatsoever about the identity of the semen
donor for either child as such (semen) was obtained anonymously from a
semen bank under an agreement of confidentiality."

This explains so much, like the children’s Caucasian-ness and their ability to have regular noses.

It also clears up their striking resemblance to hecklerspray’s very
own Lou over in copying. Beware kids, that guy’s got an inch high
monobrow.

We can’t help but wonder what the Jackson retort will be. Maybe: "If
that’s the case, then how come I remember making human love?" Or: "Are
you kidding me? On the night each of those children were conceived, I
marched right over to that freezer and pulled my frozen detached testes
out of the ice cube tray, and wrung them out like a wash cloth right
into her lady parts."

And that, friends, is where babies come from.

Read more:

Report: Jackson’s ex says he didn’t father kids - MSNBC

[story by Shawn Lindseth]