Ever since Michael Jackson?s children were born, doubt has been cast on who the real daddy is.
Some say that the tykes look nothing like their father; other men claim to be the sperm donor. A couple of bright sparks in the community also twigged that his children are white instead of black.
Since Jackson?s death, the protective shield masks that were shoved over his kids’ heads have been removed. We can now go nuts over what they look like and go aww when they cry at funerals beamed live to the world. Now newspaper reports claim that Michael Jackson created his vision of a perfect child and looked to Nazism for inspiration.
It's common knowledge that Michael Jackson liked kids. He acted like one, had a children?s theme park built in his back garden and hosted lots of fun sleepover parties. Unfortunately, other parents didn't see Jesus Juice as a delicious bedtime drink to send everyone to sleepy land. Nor did they take kindly to him allegedly playing all sorts of intimate games with their offspring. This ended up seeing the grown ups play courtroom with Michael Jackson.
During the run-up to his sell-out gigs in London, all sorts of nutty requests were made to the gig promoters. Alongside the usual request of all singing and dancing elephants, Jackson requested a rainbow collection of children to perform with him. Will this make the comedy movie that's coming out near Halloween? We hope so, as we can visualise Jackson spraypainting a rowdy Brazilian child violet and then caning him for moving out of place in the special love rainbow.
Now call us odd, but we have always found it a tiny bit strange that such a request should be made. To vaguely cement this idea firmly into our empty heads, a typically anonymous source has told the News of the World:
?Michael is not the father of a single one of the children in the biological way, but in chemical terms he oversaw their creation as a dad. He wanted his kids to be the best in every possible way and that prompted him to take the laboratory route instead of leaving nature to take its course.?
All is forgiven Michael! We didn't mean to call you a wacko, a nonce, a pervert, an idiot or a monkey lover! You were some sort of evil super genius who did mental midnight experiments in a secret underground bunker 30,000 feet beneath the earth. With a dash of sperm in one hand and a freshly fertile egg in the other, who would give their bodily bits and pieces to a crazy man like Michael Jackson? Again, the source tells the News of the World:
?One friend he asked to donate sperm was a well-known Hollywood actor who now suspects he may be the father of Blanket. He had a unique bond with Michael.?
We bet it was Screech from Saved by the Bell. He would do anything for a shot of cash. So desperate, he might even literally crack one out and give it to Michael Jackson to lap up.
But it gets better. Supposedly it seems, good old innocent Michael liked to boogie on down whilst reading all about the works of Hitler and Nazism. That's right, Nazism – that calm and peaceful movement known all around the world. Once again, the News of the World reports:
?Jacko’s interest in genetic engineering was sparked by his huge interest in Nazi history. He was obsessed with Adolf Hitler, collected Nazi medals and scoured books about evil experiments on prisoners at Auschwitz.?
We won't go too much into Nazism really and their Aryan Race. Basically because anyone who's into that doesn’t really need any more encouragement. And if these allegations are true, then that potentially makes Michael Jackson a worse person than Gary Glitter and Lee Ryan combined.
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dan spleen says
who really cares?
Heidi A. Murphy says
This article is highly abusive. Just because someone reads about the Holocaust doesn’t mean they wish to encourage it. Many scholars and historians, and one would hope the general public, read about Hitler and Nazism because they don’t want history to repeat itself. I think this article should be removed from the web.
IAM says
Please let him rest in peace! Why he did what he did dies with him, we can only guess as to what his reasons were. To publish such trash is not true journalism. I am not or ever were a M.J fan, but I feel enough is enough!
moonslippers says
absolute garbage-and you call yourself a writer? PUKE
michaeljackson'sbiggeatfan! says
this is oue out of like one hundred stories that i saw about michael jackson since his death. i think everyone should leave him alone! he passed away and now he can’t defend himself, so why even bother to talk about if he’s the real dad or not. IT DOESNT MATTER i know im only 14 and most ppl will not listen to a word i have to say because of that but im smart enough to know that it doesnt matter if he’s the dad or not because prince michael, paris, and blanket know him as DADDY. and they are already heart broken about his death so if they read something sayin michael jackson is’nt there father it’s gonna break their heart. so why put those kids through even more hard times!
stupid says
Honestly this is stupid. When does it get old. Let people rest in peace and the rest of the world move on to more pressing issues. I doubt he was obssesed with Nazi. Blah Blah Blah
Rosa says
I can’t believe you people have the chutzpa to call this crap “news”.
flabbergasted says
I am continually astonished at how scumbags continue to write whatever slanderous and evil words they please for a few bucks.
John Smith says
Oh for goodness sake. Matt Laidlaw should just shut the f*** up. What an idiot!
agreewiththis says
agree with this comment. some people try to become “something” riding on famous people’s head. here we can see they don’t care if they are using children, the person is dead or they are using plain lies to weave it all.
i8reality says
Idiot.
MD says
I don’t find this article abusive, just poorly written, nowhere near as witty as it wants to be.
Smedge says
There are two ways to guarantee you can produce a superstar. The first is to genetically engineer them that way (good job, Jacko). The second is to beat the living crap out of them when they’re kids so they dance and sing nicey-nice for Dick Clark… then they grow up and genetically engineer the next generation.
Tom J says
Keep up the fine work Hecklerspray, there are still some good people out there who aren’t nearly offended enough. And a few Michael Jackson fans too.
disgusted by author says
You should have “Laid low” Matthew instead of putting your name on garbage like this. I love how the sources quoted in these articles are always “unnamed”
Michelle says
You are seriously unprofessional and unfair. Reporters like you.. and articles like this one, is why Michael didn’t want media attention. You have to take everything and twist it around. Who in the hell are you to judge another person? I personally think those who want to bash him… are jealous because they will never be half the man he was… your article is abusive, and you should be fired… just my thoughts though…
RIP MICHEAL
JustForget says
Yes people… let’s just forget all the creepy things he did that anyone who didn’t have the millions upon millions of dollars as a buffer for legal fees would have been in jail for.
Praise be to Holy Michael… The Saint of Pop
remember that whole shrine thing? … yeh… let it soak in
A Jew says
While your wordings are mildly entertaining, your opinion is ridiculous… Is there a thumbs down button somewhere? Maybe with enough negative comments this article will be removed.
w w says
Of course the kids are frikin’ white and no way are any of them Michael’s biological offspring. Nobody wants to acknowledge scientific FACT that there is NO possible way to get a blue-eyed blond from entirely negro genes. The Jackson family denies their race and medically changes their appearance, but that doesn’t alter their DNA.
And stop making Mike into such a god. He was a squeaky singer and spastic dancer. Which can never hide the fact that he was a PROVEN pedophile.
Grandma’s old and the kids can’t be sheltered from internet curiousity forever…
GetACluePeople says
I am continually astonished at how many idiots there are out there…this is freaking satire people – get a clue and a life. If you REALLY want to be pissed at someone, how about the Weekly World News (WHERE THIS ALL WAS QUOTED FROM) and who make no attempt to let the stupider people out there that everything they print is made up for entertainment value…
BTW, this is one of the funnier things I’ve read in a long time. Keep up the good work.
Riz says
This is article is full of rubbish really. And this author is taking advantage of Michael’s death. He wouldnt dare to write these kind of stupid things if Michael were alive now. Michael surely would have sued this writer’s ass. So shame now you.
Smedge says
Plaese laern to spell “MICHAEL” if you raelly love him so much.
Karen says
Oh for the love of God people. STFU I guarantee at least half of you defending MJ now trashed him when he was living. The style of writing no matter the content doesn’t generally change on this site, if you don’t like it don’t come… please tell me you people understand the definition of a heckler… if not. Look it up (google usually works) then decide if this is the site you want to get your news from. Because, well, honestly, the articles on this site suit the name quite nicely!
dnaeon says
What a load of shit, no shame like most media aholes
peter fitzwell says
Jackson was a sick child molesting pervert. just because he had money and was able to sweep it under the rug doesn’t mean he wasn’t a demented, sick individual. but, whatever he was or did ..the simple fact is that he is dead. leave him and his issues there. nobody cared what,or how he conducted his affairs while he was alive and could be held responsible for his actions because there was no money in the truth, or holding him accountable. but now that he’s dead, every scumbag in the world comes forth with stories, and information because they all want to profit from unproovabe garbage stories. makes me wonder who really is the sicko, jackson, or the dirtbags trying to capitalize upon his death.
vivian says
Are you some kind of idiot? If so, go HOME!
You are the type that delights in spreading garbage about someone.
Since you have nothing better to do, here’s an idea…
since YOU are so big on the concept of “a perfect Aryan race”, put yourself into a perpetual coma, have the best Geneticist REWORK your
RNA AND DNA, and then maybe you’ll be fit to re-join humanity.
Or…why don’t we pry into your life and spread vicious rumours about you…don’t worry they to will be lies, filth, and slander.
YOU ARE PATHETIC. GET A LIFE.
brett says
Fucking blogs.
I dont give two shits about michael jackson, I just wanted to post my disgust for the fact that blogs are passed off as news these days.
I found this link on the front page of google news, what a fucking joke, the internet is going to be the downfall of society because half the fools who read this blog will think that the author has half a clue.
Anyone can write this shit, you are not special.
ME says
Your article reminds me of when I told my sister she was adopted. HAHAHA, visceral. Yes I know your editor or someone wanted more people to watch your blog and for some reason you decided to bring Michael back into the frey. The Man-Boy which by all means most grow because of your own self righteous indignation. But you are suppose to be a reporter. So fact Michael formally was accused twice of child molestation. Both accuser now say they lied about what happen to them. Fact Michael has help thousand of children world wide.
Maybe I missed the point, maybe you meant to be synical, or maybe I don’t know much about death but usually at least from what I’ve seen if I person was a ass in life no one wants anything to do with them when they are dead. However it seems that every have brained story cooked up about Micheal has come to light. The truth about what kind of person he really was is envident. Except for one, the last and finally piece to the puzzle, who is their biological father? Everyday many people go fertility clinics all over the world; low sperm count, not enough eggs, etc.. And these people get to pick and choose eye color, hair type, family medical history. SO WHAT! Are you saying that these people also are nazi? I pretty sure an infertile Jewish couple would take offence to these allegations.
Half way through writting this reply I read the article again and had to laugh. Who doesn’t like cute monkeys?
vivian says
Wow. ENTIRELY “Negro” genes. Your “Brilliance” is astounding.
Excuse me, but for Einstein above listed as “W W” (coward), an individuals “color” based solely on the appearance of a parent is not a factor in determining lineage, or in your ignorant case, WW, WHO OR WHOM THE PARENT(S) IS. TAKE AN IDIOTS COURSE ON GENETICS!!!!!! OH, SORRY, I FORGOT….YOU NEED AT LEAST AN I.Q. ABOVE 100 TO QUALIFY.
ww, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT “DNA” IS THE ACRONYM FOR?
JoeMomma says
Finally, a true story. Great investigative journalisim here. I think we need more of this.
andrlz1 says
You know, I just wonder about tabloid “journalists” because most journalists have college degrees in journalism/communications. It would be a disgrace to their college if they used their education to write such garbage. I have not seen “tabloid writer” as a possible career with a degree in journalism. Obviously, this person has no morals nor an ounce of respect for anyone and any verbal attack on someone else is just a reflection of his own issues. It’s hard to believe that these people get paid for writing junk. But then again, it starts with the employer. You wonder at what point in their life did they decide to take the low road?
heather says
Proven? When was it proven? I do not recall that. Are you an idiot? I think that can be PROVEN.
Nuffsed says
EXACTLY!!!!!!!
Persephone says
100 years ago, reading the news used to be an intellectual and informative experience.
Now that it has gone 100% into the hands of the Jews, it has become a sad joke.
So now Michael Jackson is an “Aryan Supremacist”…The Iranians would be flattered — only if their race wasn’t so closely tied now with “Nazi Germany” thanks to these vicious politically motivated, Israel-supporting jews who bring their political agendas into EVERYTHING…including a bogus “news” story about Michael Jackson
Justin says
Terrific article!
Jackson was a creep. He was an oddball pedophile creep with too much money and power.
I’m glad you have the guts to tell it like it is and in a very humorous way at that.
To these hateful commenters…I wonder if they would have let their children have an unsupervised sleepover at Michael Jackson’s ranch.
Sadly, I think some of them would.
Florencia says
I agree with you…this is just garbage…it
Stephen Friesen says
Michael Jackson has drawn a sort of moral line in the sand, and people are taking shape on this side or that, much like in his film Ghost… as if these are days of judgment.. I wonder what this author sees when he looks in the mirror. How does he look to you?
Love to you all from Canada.
RENATA says
This text is a complete BULLSHIT. Got your 10 minutes of fame, now go back to mamma
Tracey says
I agree with “agreewiththis”.
It is sad how many people are busy trying to cash in on Michael’s death.
It is also amazing how quickly people are believing whatever they hear before seeing any supporting evidence. Funny enough Hitler did famously say “The bigger the lie, the more people will believe it”.
Even if this stuff is remotely true it is not uncommon for people to try and determine their children’s looks/behaviour/intelligence … that’s why sperm/egg donors complete forms describing their race/ethnicity, looks, educational achievements etc. I’m sure an Asian couple would appreciate eggs/sperm from a Afro-American and vice-versa ;)
When adopting children couples don’t tend to say to the agency “just pick any child for me”.
Besides, if he wanted the kids to be intelligent why approach other celebrities certainly he would have been looking geeks and members of MENSA.
As to whether they’re his kids or not it’s neither here nor there now. It’s none of our business. He cared for those children as if they were his own. He provided for them. He was “the best Dad in the world that you could ever imagine” to quote Paris. He left them, what could turn out to be, a considerable inheritance. He is the only father they know.
I really don’t think they’d ever appreciate anyone telling them that he is not their father.
This situation reminds me when a ex-serviceman met a young lady on the Montell Williams show who had been told that he was her Dad but had turned out not so. The man said I don’t care what any DNA test show say cos this woman has been wearing my photo around her neck for nearly 30 years thinking that I’m her Dad. She is my daughter. When he said that she cried and I cried too!!
Really, as adults we do need to consider the possibility of these children one day growing up and reading what has been said about the only father they know and consider how much mental harm, and hurt, it could cause them.
First do no harm!!
denise says
michael liked to do what most of don’t like to do.
he studied and made himself even more intelligient.
Sunny says
Looks like quite a few folk begging for your auttie, Matthew. ha. Ah the mass public, got to love them.
Yasmin says
I love Matthew Laidlow and all of his witty musings. More Please!
Jahanzeb says
this article is absolute bullshit, garbage. this man Matthew Laidlow has gone crazy. so did u get ur few minutes of fame. no wonder no one reads what nonsense u write therefore took MJ’s help. shame on u so called writer. go to hell.
TZT says
I think I read that Debbie Row is jewish. If that’s true,then Michael’s kids are jewish (it goes by the mother). If the reporter implies he was a neo-natzi or liked natzism… that’s ridiculous.
Sonja says
Proven? I think you are one of the many people who were brainwashed by sensationalism. I suggest you should watch the Michael Jackson Documentary – THE UNTOLD STORY OF NEVERLAND. And there you will find that the whole family was a liar and manipulative and just really bad people. There are proofs in that video. And after watching that, and if you still believe Michael Jackson is a child molester, then I would feel really sorry for you as you don’t know how to see the truth from the lies.
Beth says
If one was attempting to genetically engineer some better-than-average kids, they would hardly use Screech’s spooj. Just sayin’.
hoohaahee says
Matthew: I’d just like to thank you for one of the most thought provoking, humorous articles I have read in a long while.
..if only for the “Unthinking shite” responses it’s provoked.
Jackson paid 20 MILLION dollars to stop a case going to court, multiple members of his own family/friends/staff expressed their disquiet at his behaviour towards children..never mind the rational, common sense feeling of unease at a 40 year old man wishing to sleep next to (someone else’s) pubescent teen.
Yeah, you love the music. Yeah he had talent. Guess what? Talent does not equal virtue. Hitler had a beautiful singing voice, apparently.
It’s terrifying to think of the sheer numbers of people who have attempted to justify this man’s behaviour over the years..simply because they liked his music.
To the folks who questioned Jackson’s behaviour, here’s a quote from George Orwell:
“Sometimes the first duty of intelligent men is the restatement of the obvious”
How true.