Dear reader, you are about to enter a peculiar dreamworld where nothing seems real. You are about to enter a time in the Earth’s history when everything seemed to run in slow-motion and cascade around your ears like a Bible end-game.
We travel back to New York and the day that is now simply known as 9/11. It was our generation’s JFK moment when pretty much every human jaw hit the ground and each heart slowed, pumping thick blood.
The memory of that day couldn’t get any more surreal, right? Wrong. That’s because, on that fateful day, there was a cheap rental car tearing across America and in it, you could find Elizabeth Taylor, Michael Jackson and Marlon Brando. Feel like you’re on drugs? Wait ’til you hear about the burgers.
This brilliant, ghoulish roadtrip is, quite obviously, the finest thing to ever happen in human history.
While the Twin Towers crumbled in the most grisly of manners, elsewhere in America, the oddly faced trio hired a cheap-ass rental car and sped away, according to Elizabeth Taylor’s former PA Tim Mendelson.
Looking like assembled wrongs of the The Gruesome Twosome’s belfry in the Creepy Coupe, this celebrity circus act took turns driving the car and, this is the best bit, everyone getting really cheesed off with Marlon Brando’s need to stop at almost every fast food joint they drove past.
Imagine Taylor rolling her eyes and swearing behind the wheel while Jackson weeps, cowering in the foot well of the passenger seat while Brando takes up the whole of the backseat, covered in grease and burger wrappers, sweating meat dripping! AMAZING!
Apparently, this brilliant spectacle came about after Jackson invited his chums to be his guests at some shows at Madison Square Garden. Thanks to the grounding of planes after 9/11, this gaggle of freaks hopped in a car and frightened children all the way back to the west coast for 500 miles. Maybe that’s what The Proclaimers were singing about all that time?
In Vanity Fair, reporter Sam Kashner says:
“Brando allegedly annoyed his colleagues by stopping at every KFC and Burger King they passed along the highway. One can only imagine the shock their appearance caused at gas stations and rest stops across America.”
Of course, a whole bunch of aides are insisting that this didn’t happen. But it did. This needs to have happened because it is the greatest image mankind will ever hold in its collective head.
Now someone photoshop this image for us immediately!
Cookie Monster says
This deserves a movie.
Picture it. It would be “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, but with these three lunatics. Imagine this scene http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=US18DpeieVs with Brando storming/wheezing up to the counter while Liz opens the gum ball machine and MJ hides behind a plant. Two ‘squees’ up!
You forgot says
Jacko talking to the plant, saying sweet nothings to it, Liz opening gum ball machines thinking they are giant pain pills made just for her in pretty colors, and Bubbles the chimp running screaming out the door because Brando just tried eat him and Jacko tried to molest him in the back seat. Meanwhile the poor shmuck behind the counter having to get the mop bucket because Brandos walk from the car to the counter has caused such an extensive amount of sweat to roll off him it’s created a river behind him.