Masturbating teenagers the world over have long found a shared comfort in one thing – Megan Fox looks quite dirty.
She does. Look at the Transformers films. It doesn’t matter what Megan Fox is asked to do – fix a car, talk to Shia LaBeouf, run away from an exploding robot – she can’t help but jut her jubblies out and pull a face that makes her look a bit like she’s having a sort of vaguely erotic stroke. She’s dirty. Megan Fox has probably had sex with loads of men.
Except she hasn’t. For a reason that only she knows – perhaps because she hasn’t been in any magazines for a couple of weeks – Megan Fox has decided to tell the world that she’s only slept with two men in her entire life. And one of those used to be in Beverly Hills 90210, so he doesn’t count. Honestly, Megan Fox is practically a virgin.
Megan Fox’s looks are both a blessing and a curse. Admittedly there are several blessings – if she didn’t look the way she does then she would have never played the bimbo character in Transformers, or the bimbo character in How To Lose Friends And Alienate People, or the evil bimbo character in Jennifer’s Body, nor would she be the focus of several million unthinkably disgusting teenage ejaculations – compared to only one curse. But it’s a pretty big curse.
Because she looks a bit like a market stall Angelina Jolie sex doll, Megan Fox is constantly being judged on her looks. She’ll probably never receive a script that doesn’t contain the direction ‘Megan straddles the motorbike, adjusts her bikini and licks her lips in slow motion as Rock You Like A Hurricane plays in the background’. Nor will she ever play a meaty, emotionally-complex serial killer role, unless it’s in a film about a serial killer who shags men to death and is a robot. That’s just Megan Fox’s lot in life.
But now she’s decided to do something about it. In a bid to stop people thinking of her as a sort of futuristic sex alien, Megan Fox has decided to reveal that she’s actually had sex with far fewer men than you’d imagine. UsMagazine reports:
“I’ve only been with two men my entire life,” the actress, 23, tells the April issue of Harper’s Bazaar. “My childhood sweetheart and Brian.”Fox has been dating (and engaged to) former 90210 star Brian Austin Green on and off since 2004. She continues, “I can never have sex with someone that I don’t love, ever. The idea makes me sick. I’ve never even come close to having a one-night stand.”
Megan Fox’s feminine responsibility is good to know for several reasons. Most importantly it sends a valuable message to all the young girls who idolise her. In effect she’s saying that you don’t have to sleep with every man you meet to get ahead in life – you just have to look like you would. Wise words, Megan. Wise words.
And hopefully this admission will also help Megan Fox’s career, too. Now, rather than simply playing the busty, slutty-looking sex object in all of her films, she’ll now be offered a range of new roles, like the innocent schoolgirl who becomes a busty, slutty-looking sex object. Or the chaste nun who becomes a busty, slutty-looking sex object. Or the uptight nuclear physicist who gets zapped by an experimental sperm-ray and becomes a busty, slutty-looking sex object. The world is your oyster, Megan. Your sexy, sexy oyster.
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jacob says
omg, i can’t ejaculate. this is too funny.
okay, now i can.
NY Gentleman says
Guys I know this made you laugh, Made me laugh a bit as well as to how childish the writer and all of his followers are as well as those who purchase this magazine. She is 23 years old guys. 4 years shy of being a teenager. Regardless of her looks/recent movie roles she is a woman now. Not to be a square but have some level of decency. Forget the current lingo’s and adaptations in society at large and try to stick out your Gentlemen backbones out a bit for all to see, its there hidden behind fear I bet. Respect has its levels. She’s a person and deserves at least that. Now, go wack off in the privacy of your own homes, what ever floats your boats; and to the writer and the magazine you work for; some thoughts should remain as such, thoughts. Magazines and writers such as yourselves are the main reason why the society is going backwards instead of forwards in 2010. Some food for thought. Enjoy the salt stick. Megan, chin up. Dont let them Phase you one bit. Do you!
Just reading this makes me understand the writer is from LA.
This is NY writing to you. We still have some standards out here and class.
A Gentlemen…
David Scarborough says
You Sir, are an unequivocal genius.
JoeMomma says
Really, that’s NY writing? I’m thinking Buffalo or Rochester.
shooty* says
Wanker.
humourless, missing the point wanker.
Kitsune says
You are correct in your assumption that this article made me laugh. You are wrong in assuming that laughter was derived of a childish mind set. I don’t think children would understand the humor of this article. I don’t think Stuart has, in this article or in any other, demonstrated that he is child like. You suggest that because she is no longer underage, and considered an adult or “woman” now, that we (we meaning all men I suppose) should now show decency. So you assert that whilst an attractive woman is underage decency is not needed, nor expected. Me thinks you have some stuff backwards. Typically one would not stick his ass out to show respect either, as suggested by you in telling us stick our backbone out.
You are right in saying she is a person and deserves respect. Stuart never says anything to the contrary. But you are largly missing the point. Stuart says it best here “Most importantly it sends a valuable message to all the young girls who idolise her. In effect she
tedious says
“a market stall Angelina Jolie sex doll”, priceless….lol
All Women Stalker says
Hahaaa. This is too funny. But awww, I didn’t know that about Megan. Good for her.
Mario G. says
I don’t care she’s still the girl/woman of my dreams