We’ve literally been on the edge of our seats waiting for Max Payne because, in our estimation, it might just be the perfect movie.
True, Max Payne might be a videogame adaptation, but that’s not all. And true, Max Payne might be an adaptation of a videogame that we never really heard of, but that’s not all. Max Payne is an adaptation of a videogame that we never really heard of starring the bloke from The Happening. Perfect.
And we’re not the only ones who think so, obviously, because Max Payne is number one at the weekend box office, even beating Oliver Stone‘s new George Bush movie. To be fair, one of those movies is an opportunistic flick about a braindead lunk responsible for countless deaths, but the other one’s Max Payne so what can you do?
Mark Wahlberg is perhaps the most confusing actor alive at the moment. Put him in The Departed or I Heart Huckabees alongside some of the world’s finest actors and he’ll easily be the best thing about those movies. But put him in anything else and he’ll be dreadful to an almost Cageian degree. For an example, please refer to The Happening.
So which Mark Wahlberg do we get in Max Payne, the number one movie at this week’s weekend box office? To be fair, we don’t know – we haven’t seen Max Payne yet. And that’s not because it hasn’t been released in the UK yet – it’s because we’d rather cut off our balls and feed them to a horse than watch it. Just so you know. Here’s the US weekend box office top five…
1 – Max Payne (It’s hard to know where Max Payne fits into the pantheon of videogame movies. Is it worse than Super Mario Brothers but better than Mortal Kombat? Is it better than Doom but worse than Tomb Raider. Chances are that Max Payne is better than all of those movies – but expect it to be blown out of the water once Christopher Nolan‘s dark reimagining of Dr Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine gets released) $18,000,000
2 – Beverly Hills Chihuahua (Beverly Hills Chihuahua has now made $69 million at the American box office. That’s probably enough for everyone involved in the movie to afford to build a boat and sail it out to sea forever in a flurry of self-loathing. We’re just saying) $11,200,000
3 – The Secret Lives Of Bees (We’re not going to pretend we know a single thing about this movie, other than that it really is about the secret lives of bees and, as such, there’s a lot of full-on graphic bee sex in it. Avoid) $11,050,000
4 – W (Surprising that this much-hyped Oliver Stone movie about George W Bush didn’t do better at the weekend box office, really. Perhaps it’s because W is a musical. That’s bound to put people off) $10,550,000
5 – Eagle Eye (Oh congratulations Eagle Eye, you’ve been in the weekend box office for a month now. We’ve run out of things to say about you, so we hope you’re happy. If you’re still in the top five next week, we’re just going to list lots of words that rhyme with ‘boot’ in this space) $7,343,000
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Stabby McGee says
I’m letting my nerdy side show a little here, but Max Payne really is top notch. When they made all those crappy Matrix games with ‘bullet time’, Max Payne was the game they were attempting to emulate. Throw in the fact that it’s not only a film noir-esque game, but a GOOD noir-esque game, and you have a winner.
As for the film, I’ve heard it’s gash. Some ‘classic’ Wahlberg stills out there in Google Land, though.
Gin says
I think the Max Payne movie was pretty good. I liked all the special effects. Mark Wahlberg did a good job playing Max Payne. I also think this is the best job I have ever seen Ludacris do in a movie. do you like the games or the movie better? http://www.maxpaynegameormovie.com
Nasdaq7 says
Yes for sure. The movie character is interesting.